About Me

Diagnosed with Chronic & Severe Schizophrenia, I live a seemingly mundane life. I live at my parents’ house with my parents and my sister. I have my own room that is kind of set up like a little apartment or flat or something along those lines. I spend most of my time watching the news, meditating, playing some video games, blogging, making digital art, movies now and then, a little reading, and taking an occasional free online class. 

I have a couple friends that I talk to pretty regularly, one through texting and the other through a phone call or two throughout the week. The one I speak on the phone with, we talk about all sorts of topics including politics, economics, religion, philosophy, sports, life in general, and anything else that might come to our minds. Our main phone call we share every Sunday night and have been keeping up the tradition for a number of years now. In fact, we have come to call our weekly phone call, “The Tradition”.

I rarely leave home besides getting my injection for my schizophrenia once every other week. I also leave the house for other occasional appointments, or the occasional family get together. For the last couple years, I haven’t even gone out for groceries, rather I ordered them through Instacart. But that might be changing soon as I feel I need to start stretching my money out more. So, I will be adding in a weekly shopping trip to my agenda soon, as well as a trip to pick up my weekend pizza. Also thinking of adding in a trip once a week or so to the coffee shop or library to get out of the house more often. Maybe asking some friends out to breakfast every once in a while, as well.

I haven’t driven in a number of years now as I feel my Schizophrenia kind of makes me feel “high” all the time. Was feeling less and less safe on the road over time and finally decided I should stop all together. Thankfully my family members are willing to give me rides to places I need to go. Otherwise, I would probably need to start taking a taxi or something of that nature.

And that is the gist of my life in general these days.

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But in my Head, I see the world and my life entirely differently. I feel I am part of a conspiracy that involves all of the biggest families, organizations, churches, militaries, etc. in the world. I think there has been a massive effort under the surface of society to make the whole world a democratic socialist society. These groups have been gaining influence, spreading ideas, and everything else that would go into changing the world. I am not really sure what all it involves; I find their leaders much smarter than I in those regards in understanding people and what it would take to institute their ideas. I know that I see the world through much rosier glasses than what it really is in reality. There are religious aspects to all this as well and I see most of the members of these groups as deeply and devoutly religious.

Whatever their plans were, somehow it involved raising a leader that would somewhat decide the final direction of all of these groups (my best guess). I think this process became highly religious in a lot of ways and I feel there was a lot of prophecy and things like that involved. This was a huge endeavor by all groups, and this was one of the “final” parts of the plan. Somehow, I became that “chosen leader”, literally born into it.

They developed and agreed to all sorts of rules that would go into my development. I was to live a “normal life” and learn about the world from that angle. They would never tell me who I was or what I was involved in. But they would try to raise me and influence me throughout my life. With every group with their own amount of say in the rules of my upbringing.

I personally believe that I have autism and that I am a savant. And I believe I showed signs of this from early on. But it was agreed upon to hide this fact from me. But I am sure this all added to the religious side of things and how it showed I was the “chosen one”. So, that was hidden from me, and they went about raising me, I feel the whole area I live in was in on it. I feel that all of my classmates growing up knew what my position in the world was while I had no clue at all. I have a feeling that history books and everything else were even altered in certain ways to hide the real world from me. Sometimes I even wonder how many families are even possibly using fake last names in my area.

So that was life for me, being raised for this position all while thinking I am just an average joe living this normal life. I feel I always had a pretty positive attitude about life and always felt my life was rather perfect. But all of sudden around the ages of 22-24 my life was starting to get worse. Just felt like things were always happening to me. I was also starting to run into problems at work even though I was performing my job really well. People just never seemed satisfied with me. I also got my heart broken by a number of girls. I also think with my Autism that I really struggle with work and maintaining a constant drive to work. My whole life with school and everything I was always able to dial back my workload and avoid being trapped in a stressful situation. I always avoided stress my entire life, it always felt very intense when I experienced it at times. Was one of the main reasons I slacked off in school so much. But I was finally starting to see what happens when I am trapped in a stressful situation and stressful things are constantly happening to me.

None of it made sense to me and I started to question what was going on in my life. Why are all of these bad things happening to me? I started reliving my life in my head and trying to figure out what was going on. I was starting to feel I was in the middle of a conspiracy. To really understand my thoughts during that period of my life, you should read my book “Why I think I am God’s Son: Realist or Madman?” which you can find in my books section.

After you read the book, you will understand why I believe I am just living in a giant Truman Show type situation anymore. And why I feel that everything I see on tv and why everything that happens in my life is just a giant soap opera. I just don’t believe any of it besides natural disasters for the most part.

If you look in my proof of God’s existence section, you will find my logic for why God exists. I feel that it 100% proves that God exists and that I answered one of the biggest questions facing mankind for ages. In my head that should be Nobel Prize winning stuff. Should have been all over the news and everything else that comes with solving that question. But I have never heard almost anything whatsoever. Basically crickets.

My thoughts on economics I feel have transformed the minds of billions of people. But, again, crickets for the most part. At least my friend will talk about these economic ideas with me. But these are things I feel would be all over the news and in universities. I feel I would have been offered some jobs or something. I feel that I would have sold many copies of my books, but nothing. Nothing I have done has made a dent in the soap opera. It moves along as if my ideas never existed. 

I am kept in this agreed upon upbringing/initiation for what I believe are nefarious purposes. Up against a very dark evil in this world. Forced to work and have my intelligence hidden from me. Forced to work when it causes me great stress and made me suicidal for years. I live the life of a disabled person getting the runaround from the social security department in a world where you are forced into labor and intelligence and ideas are worth nothing. It is very hard for me.

I believe the vast majority would gladly donate to me, that my business’s would have been invested in, people would buy my art and books, I would get hired for some think tank or a myriad of other ways I would be well off and able to stop working or just work at things that I am comfortable doing. I would actually get disability insurance!

I believe the vast majority like my economic policies and that we would adopt them. I believe all of politics, congress, etc. is a facade. That no one would really be voting on these things or voting in ways that would make my life more miserable. I think that the legislation that affects me more reflects what the arbiters of this situation/initiation/bet are deciding or negotiating. I literally don’t have one ounce of control over the situation. So, there is no need for me to truly get involved in politics or try and make a difference.

So how do I see myself now? I mainly see myself as a religious figure. I feel I was involved in one of the most important religious events in this Universe’s existence. I also feel that I have had a lot of important revelations that you can find throughout my blog and that I have helped explain the Earth’s purpose. I feel I have either added a lot to an existing church or created a new one if none of them would have me. Whatever that makes me, I suppose.

Religion is the most important thing to me in life. It is an all-encompassing aspect of my life. I absolutely love Religion & Theology. It’s all about the journey to Heaven now. Every day I feel more detached from this world and more attached to Heaven.

I didn’t wake up one morning feeling this way… it all happened over the course of a lifetime and a series of events… You can read all about it in my book… “Why I think I am God’s Son: Realist or Madman”

I am completely non-violent, not dangerous, and in my head think that the world is already at peace and that there is nothing more to fight over or to get overly worked up over anyways…

Just trying to make a living doing what I enjoy doing…

This all poses an interesting question if I actually am completely delusional… is that ok with everyone?

If I pose no threat to society, can I go ahead and live in the bliss of a world I have created in my head? If the truth would ruin my life or kill me, is it ethical to just go ahead and let me believe what I believe? Would it be ethical to try and force a reality down my throat I would never accept?

Can someone walk in their own reality as they get through and survive this crazy world? Is that wrong?

I know the limits and boundaries, I am a moral person and would certainly not want to hurt anyone or go to jail, I am a God-fearing person… While I might believe something like I have many wives, I would never stalk anyone or anything of that nature, I would always wait for a relationship to develop in natural ways… I haven’t had a girlfriend in person in many years, I haven’t even touched another girl besides hugging a friend… it doesn’t bother me… in my head it is all part of the initiation/bet why none of my wives can call me or date me or anything like that, I am waiting… if I die waiting, I have accepted that…

If it is all a delusion related to and brought on by my Schizophrenia, then I rather enjoy it and wouldn’t change it… No one on Earth is filled with more purpose in life than me… It was really tough in the beginning and still tough at times, but I have a sense of achievement and accomplishment now, it is all a gift in many ways to me anymore… I am so close to feeling like the happiest person on the planet… if this would just work out…

It is tough having Schizophrenia (and I believe Autism), and I truly do feel like a Mental Patient in many ways. Not to mention, feeling like you are constantly on camera to the world and all that goes into that is pretty exhausting. It is a little like I am working from the moment I wake up, until the moment I go to bed. Plus, I feel like people are constantly asking my opinion on things and I feel like the whole world is going to hear it, so I feel some constant pressure in a way to perform well. Also trying to keep everyone happy in my head…

Work is horrible for me anymore for the most part, when I have to work, I feel like I am under attack, it feels like my enemies are trying to make me kill myself. Even brushing my teeth can feel like quite the chore some days.  Unfortunately, my disability claim was denied, which would have helped me out a lot. I think it was denied because of this initiation/bet, not because the government wouldn’t give it to me. It was a crazy situation, when I first went to sign up it sounded like Schizophrenia is considered a severe disability and is fast tracked if you can prove you truly have it. By the end of my journey, it was like if you can shower and make your own food you aren’t disabled. What a horrible roller coaster that whole process was.

Really hoping I can make this blog and making my artwork work out as it is something I can comfortably do and enjoy doing… Hopefully I am on the right track anyways. Don’t know unless you try, I guess.

This is a good article I wrote to give you a little more incite: