A Case for God 2: A Random Infinity Loop would be a Paradox…

These are some brainstorming thoughts about a Random Infinity Loop being a Paradox… That the first movement of existence would have had to have been an act of will by an Eternal Being that always existed…

Could something (our existence/universe) have always been random? Or does it need to be an act of will?

  • Seems illogical that it could be random… that it could be random and have always existed… Everything would have had to have been done, as there is no starting point… Seems to me like a Paradox.
  • Like everything would have had to have been done before it existed, in order to exist… Would it cancel it out?
  • I think randomness would need to have a starting point.

Now if it is a being that is rendered infinite within such a state that always existed… Then it could all start with an act of will.

  • If an infinite being is in a state that renders that it always existed…all timelines would be composed of that state, there would be no randomness… No potential timelines could also kill it once it moves, it exists in an infinity loop. (There are almost two infinity loops at work in a way, the being is an infinity loop in order to exist and to have always existed, and then once is moves it is also in an infinity loop. It wouldn’t be able to move and exist if the second infinity loop didn’t exist as well)
  • The first movement is the beginning of existence in a way and our existence… but it would have to be an act of will by an infinite being that always existed.
  • It has to be a being… It must first exist in essentially a solid state to be a closed infinity loop and then make its first move from there.

Always existed, can’t die on any timeline… (Thoughts on a random infinity loop)

  • Every possibility would have to be accounted for in order for it to exist
  • Everything would have had to have happened before it existed (Paradox)
  • Would each possible timeline just keep endlessly repeating itself
  • Also, if there are infinite random possibilities, the infinity loop wouldn’t be closed (Paradox)
  • For it to be closed, I think everything would be capable of repeating itself
  • We would be on an eternal loop. This storyline will repeat to every minute detail. Kind of implies that we existed before we existed (Paradox).
  • This storyline has always existed, every storyline would have to exist before it existed (Paradox)
  • There would be no starting point, what is it repeating from then? (Paradox)
  • How could mass exist in a state that has always constantly been in motion? Mass could not have ever existed in a single state. Could mass exist in a random infinity loop? It seems it would already have to be placed there while in motion, that it would have to have a starting point.  Mass would never exist in a solid state in a random infinity loop, would be constantly in flux, would have always been. (Paradox?)
  • I would have written this endless times before and endless times after… I would be constantly be writing this… I would always have to exist writing this in a way (Paradox) That is a big paradox… because there is no past or future, you can’t have endlessly done things before… or endlessly do it after… In a way I would be frozen in this moment, but I move forward… The timelines would have to overlap in a way to have always existed, which I don’t think is possible.
  • I have always lived this life; I will repeat this life endlessly… I have done it endlessly before (Paradox)
  • Has to have a beginning. A random infinity loop needs a beginning, but then it wouldn’t be infinite. Or it would have to be something in motion placed into an infinity loop.
  • We can’t exist before we existed… (That Paradox may be the nail in the coffin, seems riddled with many other paradoxes as well)

There is a huge difference between inserting randomness into a second infinity loop or inserting and act of will. When inserting randomness, all things will happen and continuously repeat… when inserting and act of will, all things are possible but only “what you do” happens.

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This blog feels like my Thesis anymore…

This blog feels more like my thesis or life’s work anymore… Its status has evolved in my brain, there is a much higher barrier to entry between my brain and the blog. It has to be blog worthy anymore…

The blog-worthy posts have gotten fewer and further in between, just not much has reached the bar in recent time. I desire a blog-worthy post, but have found my efforts lacking.

I suppose I say this to let you know that I probably won’t ever post like the way I used to, sometimes almost every day for a month or so, or three a week or whatever. I just feel like I have gotten a lot out of my system.

It has been very therapeutic for me as well… I have come a long way mentally over the last so many years. I believe this blog has helped tremendously. It has also helped shape my vision for the future, helped shape myself, and given me a strong sense of identity within my crazy world. I am not sure I have ever felt so locked in with my thoughts in all of my life, which is a good feeling.

Hopefully a blog-worthy idea will pop up here and there though… I’ll know it when I think it…

I have more resorted in recent time to twitter for a lot of daily and weekly thoughts… there is still a barrier to entry for my tweets, but it is much lower in my mind. I greatly enjoy tweeting.

Thanks for following along on my Journey so far, hopefully it has been mutually beneficial… It isn’t over yet; this is something I hope to continue for life… I gladly promote “The Eclectic Schizophrenic” moniker and Identity now. Something I hope to carry into my future endeavors, or rather that my future endeavors become a part of.

Have a good day and I hope you enjoy going through my posts!

I still hold out hope for Miracles, and not just for small ones either…

A couple nights ago, I dreamed that I was Pole Vaulting… I was young, perfectly healthy, and everything felt completely real, it felt as if I was really Pole Vaulting… 

This led me to start thinking about energy and how we don’t really need our physical bodies to live. I didn’t need my physical body to feel like I was truly Pole Vaulting, I just needed the energy in my mind. Which energy never dies… These biological bodies we have seem to just capture our energy for a whileJust another perspective on how real Heaven is, and how potentially close Heaven could always be to us. 

It could be a very thin wall dividing us from Heaven, that we are basically always touching Heaven in a way. It makes me feel like a backdoor to Heaven could be potentially possible… That we could potentially escape the process of the Death Transition that is necessary for us to enter into Heaven, that these Biological shells must die in order for us to cross over. 

Perhaps it isn’t the sky ripping open that we are looking and hoping for… Rather just a peaceful transfer of our personal energy into the universe of energy. I have said before it would be kind of cool if a big enough solar flare just wiped us out without us even knowing what happened… Sometimes I wonder if we ever unlocked the backdoor, we would just seamlessly transfer into Heaven… never a slip of consciousness, to perhaps even keep walking on the very Earth we stand… 

Death is so mentally violent (and actually violent sometimes) here because our minds have evolved so much to avoid it, to fear it, to survive… we make it a painful process in our minds. It is even scary and violent in a way to be dying and be questioning if there is an afterlife, it can make it a painful experience… 

I always say that if God could have pulled off his plan and still put in a backdoor to Heaven, that he would. That first and foremost would be carrying out the plan, but secondly would be leaving us in the best possible situation afterwards. I still think the only way would be with Love & connecting with the spiritual energy of this world… to unleash some deep magic within this world… to open some back door… It has certainly never been tried, our world has been much more filled with war and a place where evil has a place to thrive… 

Evil seems so determined to not even let us try and see if it works… It is still so illogical to me how truly evil people can be… Feels almost unbelievable, yet we are living through it… It is an unbelievable evil. It is also unbelievable how many people have been consumed by it as well… It is an unreasonable evil, beyond my scope of thought… 

I still hold out hope for Miracles, and not just for small ones either… I still hold out hope that this Universe contains some magic within it… It just needs to be unlocked…

The Greater Grievance of Life on Earth…

I found a small lump in my palm yesterday… under the pinky and ring finger area. A couple nights before I felt like I jammed or sprained my pinky finger while I was sleeping, which the pain went away by that night… I started looking up knot in hand and bump in palm and all signs seemed to point to Dupuytren’s contracture. Which could definitely make sense given another issue I have, but won’t mention here today. To make it worse, when I was looking up information, they seemed to say it is pretty rare to get it before you are like 45 and those that get it early normally have a more severe case of it.

I thought, dang, there goes my hands in the future. Maybe not gone, but very limited once it really starts to sets in. I of course sat there last night thinking, why? I thought, man, God gave it to me pretty good with my situation, mental conditions, and other conditions… Now I am going to have like permanent hand problems once this stuff sets in?

I thought man, this will make it really hard to fully enjoy doing things I love doing. I was thinking, even if my situation ends, anymore I have issues piling up that are going to limit my enjoyment when this is all over. I was thinking, what the heck? Why not give me more of a break in this lifetime and let me enjoy it more, especially after everything I have been through and am going through. I was thinking, I am not feeling like I am going to be very rewarded in this lifetime for everything I have been through.

I thought about it and thought about it… then I thought, well it is for a reason… and I started to feel like it was meant to continue to keep me grounded in this lifetime, to remind me that our lives here are a life of service and that this lifetime isn’t meant for extreme care free enjoyment. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mathew 20:28).

I thought, Man, I can’t enjoy a drink or a little bit of ganja anymore because of my mental condition, my knees are kind of going on my already, my hands are apparently going on me, having some other physical issues that are a bit more private, pretty bad anxiety, schizophrenia, etc… I am certainly not meant to fully enjoy this life and get my party on here ya know?

I have been given a taste of the potential of Life… but I have been made to stay grounded in this lifetime and treat it as a life of service. I am sure by example in many ways…

I am made to dream of Heaven, and to learn to truly believe that it exists and to look forward to it… To realize that is where the true celebration lies… To suffer here in many ways, but to find ways to find happiness through it… I find ways not just for me, but perhaps even more to help others that suffer and to help future generations.

I have been going through grief in some ways for many years… I grieve that this lifetime isn’t meant for enjoyment for the most part. I grieve that my dreams can’t all come true here and that I must look to Heaven out of necessity. I grieve that I must learn to truly believe and accept a life of service here. I grieve because I see my life continuing to be limited here. I grieve because part of me still says, what if Heaven isn’t real? What if I never get to have the fun I really want to have.

I am at the acceptance portion of grief for sure… I need to truly accept many things and to truly believe in Heaven… Only then will I be over this grief and enjoy my life to the fullest here… Part of the grief process of life is truly believing in Heaven in my opinion, only then can we let go of many of our griefs and the much greater grief of life…

We grieve things in life… but life itself here must also be grieved… When we finally grieve life, we can let go of many of our other grievances within this life…

We should try to live a life of service here… then enjoy an eternity of Celebration…

Even now I sit here and am thinking during this stressful week, wondering if my situation will end this Easter… thinking if it doesn’t, then I guess it must be important that I am going to college while under these conditions… I must continue to serve…

You would think realizing that I may have Dupuytren’s contracture would make me more depressed… but it is almost more mentally freeing in some ways… God is forcing me to finish the grieving process of life here, and to get through it while I am young as well… He is making me and others see that this life is meant to be a life of service… to also share this message… we are here for a purpose and to carry out a plan…

This universe is clearly not meant to be where society will forever live and thrive… it shows us the potential of life though, and it can show us the promise of the life in Heaven…

I think I will stop here for today although I feel I could probably go on…

 

(Disclaimer): I may not have Dupuytren’s Contracture and have just fallen down the googling your symptoms rabbit hole… Even my symptom (Small Bump in Palm) may be something that has always been there and I just finally noticed. Doesn’t help that I am a little bit of a hypochondriac. I still like what I wrote either way, helped inspire me…

This Corona Virus Pandemic put through The Schizophrenic Filter…

This corona virus like everything else gets put through my schizophrenic filter and enters into my own unique world... 

Like I have said before my unique world is locked in anymore, I can’t turn back, I have come too far mentally. In my head I am currently involved in an initiation that also turned into a bet against evil organizations and people to see if I would kill myself and not survive it. It is essentially an initiation to be King of the World anymore… It involves royal families, mafia’s, countries, families, powerful organizations, etc... Pretty much everyone is involved in some shape or form anymore. 

I have told quite a few people about my thoughts and ideas. I of course even have this public blog and have written a couple books that explain my beliefs. I have told psychiatrists, family members, and friends alike. I have sent out postcards for my website and have even paid for advertisements. I once even went to the emergency room to try and get admitted to the mental hospital telling them I was suicidal and gave them a copy of my book “why I think I am God’s son: realist or madman”, only to be turned away… I tweet quite a bit about thoughts and ideas… Nobody ever has anything to say to me about it, not even one internet troll… Many years of this… I am fully locked in now and nothing can change my mind anymore… To me, it would be completely illogical to not believe what I believe… 

I start off with these statements, because the thoughts I am about to share are rather profound… How could someone come to feel they are in such a massive conspiracy? Built such aunbelievable and airtight world inside their head? To believe all of this without a doubt in their mind all while living such a seemingly mundane life? These beliefs are what I truly believe, the world I live in everyday… 

I am not quite sure what to make of this corona virus pandemic, whether to believe it or not… It almost seems like they are trying to tell me something else altogether… One of my current beliefs about it, is that it is indeed all fake. Part of me wants to believe that they are signaling an end to my ordeal is near, that it will end on Easter. It is almost like the end is near and they are taking precautions for whatever may happen, even preparing for a possible war or for some bad actors to do some bad things. They are letting me know in a unique way that we are preparing for this to be over soon and want me to just stay home and away from people until this over. They almost seem worried like someone might do something to me before we get to the end. It’s an all hands-on deck situation, preparing for worst possible outcomes. This would be the best possible belief I hold about this situation, that the end of my ordeal is near at hand, to end on Easter. The President seems to mention Easter a lot even though opening everything up on Easter would be pretty illogical in this corona virus pandemic world view. Easter is also one of the occasions I believe that my situation might possibly end on… I believe it may end on Easter, My Birthday, or on New Year’s Day. 

Which brings me to my second belief, that this is all a ruse to make me excited my situation will end, only to then disappoint me when the day comes and goes with no change. These holidays were always some of my most depressing and suicidal times. Every day leading up to them wondering if my ordeal would end. One day excited, the next mad and depressed thinking it was going to come and go. I also think they always did things around these times to put me through that roller coaster, maximizing the pain around those holidays, hoping I would want to kill myself. I was so depressed years ago that the holidays were my lifeline, counting down the days until they came, hoping my situation would end and I would be happy again. The thing is that now I am pretty happy in general, even within my current situation, even planning out a life that I think could be somewhat enjoyable even if it never does end. My enemies may be really desperate right now, they are running out of ways and money to make me suicidal. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was all a ruse for them to try and get me all depressed again. As outlandish as that would all have to be considering what is going on. Such a massive ruse that everyone is helping out with, world leaders and all… Nobody in the world doesn’t know what is going on anymore… except maybe some hidden tribes or something in the jungle… 

Third, maybe this corona virus thing is all real… Maybe that is why my friend asked me to hang out weeks ago when he was sick, which I later got sick. Maybe they wanted to infect me before this all got potentially really out of hand and I may not be able to get a bed or something if I needed it. Maybe there really is this really big pandemic going on… which of course I will continue to act like there is just in case… Something like that Dean Koontz book having a Wuhan virus in it can make me so skeptical though, they may have even said the date in the book as well. Things like that always feel like little hints that they want me to know it is all fake. 

Maybe it is some sort of amalgamation of all three things… That all three things are present… That it is real, but people are trying to use the opportunity to make me as depressed as possible like always. Maybe they worry more for my safety around these holidays when they are worried something might happen, maybe there has been some credible threats made or something… I don’t know. I do know that anytime I have left the house recently I have seen a cop, even off duty cops at the store… I definitely think that people want me to stay home regardless of the situation and that there may be some sort of security risk. I even see cops drive by the house when I go into the kitchen to eat… Maybe all part of the ruse… Maybe all an effort to really keep me at home and even have found a way to even make me a little scarred to go out, not to mention shut down anywhere I might go, or make them too busy and make me not want to go, or only open at times I wouldn’t want to go. 

I am trying to only go to the local store once a week or have a family member pick up things… I only have to go to the hospital one more time to get my medicine before Easter… That should be the most that I leave… I am trying to play along even if I am not sure I believe it, I have went though many years of this stuff now, not much I tend to believe in regards to my situation ending, certainly a level of learned helplessness going on there, as well as protecting my mental wellbeing. 

This is the World I live in inside my head though… It is a wild world for sure… Always living in some World Altering conspiracy theory… It is all I know anymore and there is no possible way of turning back mentally now… 

My year of recovery seems to be on the right track…

The year of recovery before I head back to school seems to be going well. I feel like I am making strides mentally… 

I feel like I have run out of big things to think about though, and that is taking some adjustment… I think it is going to involve a little neuroplasticity that might take a while. Most of my childhood and young adulthood I didn’t really give much thought to anything, never had any opinions about anything, and just didn’t know where I stood on anything… I just kind of watched and listened to everyone and tried to have as much fun as possible… 

Then once I started trying to figure things out, my mind just went into over drive… I would figure out my answer to the question and then move on to the next big question… For the last 12 years, I was constantly in deep thought, but now I feel like I have answered all the big questions for the most part… I keep searching for new big questions to solve within my capacity and can’t really find much of anything, nothing really does it for me anymore… 

My mind is adjusting to not being in deep thought all of the time… I am quite bored frankly… not that I don’t have things to do, my mind just isn’t that capable of doing them right now. I am at an in between place mentally right now… I want to start enjoying more movies and video games and things like that, but my mind is still searching for the next question to answer… I can’t help but searching free online college courses and things like that to see if something there will give me my fix… I keep going through my thoughts to see if there is another big blog post idea in me… 

Video games and movies kind of exhaust my mind a bit right now, because it runs counter intuitive to what my mind wants to do. Video games, movies, and things like that are a very mindful activities where you are hyper focused on the present moment a bit and shutting off your brain off in some ways. It is hard for me to go longer than a half hour, it really is fighting against my mind a bit. After I have exhausted myself mentally trying to watch a movie or play games, and at the same time I can’t find the next big question to solve, some days I just end up in this weird in between mental place where I am not really in the mood to do anything… I end up just looking forward to meal times and things like that, that pass the day for me a bit… I look forward to when I am finally tired and ready to go to bed and start my next day, I very much look forward to my morning coffee… These days can be a little stressful sometimes and I find myself a little edgy, especially in the mornings… They can be a bit of a blur as well… 

I think this is all good though, in the long run… I got to keep fighting this battle and try and play more video games and watch more movies… I don’t think I am going to start a free college course, and am going to try and stop searching for the next big question… 

I like to try and believe that I can eventually get back to my mindset before all of this started… I think I can… hopefully be mentally and physically relaxed… Very anxious right now… 

I think the year of recovery is going good though, and that I am making progress… I look forward to starting back to college though, although I might feel a little too dependent on it right now, I am anxious to start and have some new big questions asked! I just keep searching for questions right now, definitely in problem solving mode currently, need to be more in an enjoying the ride mindset… 

Think I just wanted to hear myself talk a little bit today and write something, a little therapeutic and a bit of a mental release… 

I think that Big Picture, I am probably on the right track… just have to push through this phase and let my mind learn to adjust… 

I hope you are all doing well! Your hard work is appreciated, life is tough here on Earth! 

Evolved into Biological computers…

I tweeted about this one day and am not sure how original of a thought it is… Haven’t heard about it in any science classes yet, but I also don’t study evolution as a major… But I have heard questions posed as to things like, how does a bird just know how to make a nest? Why do turtles when they are born automatically know to make a run for the water? 

There only seems so many logical possibilities… one would be that we can pass on memories to our offspring, another that perhaps all animals are guided by some spiritual guidance, or my personal favorite is that animals and beings are born with certain mental paths that allow us to interpret the environment a certain way. 

I think even ideas and mental paths can be evolved into animals and ourselves. That many animals are essentially little computers with so many primary functions. That each species evolved to interpret the environment certain ways, to look at certain objects and come to the same ideas about them. 

We as humans are much more removed from this and rely on enculturation to survive, but we still all do certain things the same in certain regards to interpreting our environment… we put things into categories, we use schemes… if you study psychology you will find they’re our many ways we all tend to interpret the environment in the same ways. 

It really seems the most logical thought, I don’t know how else a bird just comes into this world knowing how to make a nest or know that certain things are food and others not, among many other things that animals naturally do. 

It is certainly a bit mind blowing to think that mental paths and ideas can be formed through evolution like that. Makes us all into biological computers a little bit, but it also allows us to think the way we do, otherwise we would be even more of a mental mess than we already are. 

I still wonder if there isn’t some spiritual guidance in animals though… I still can’t wrap my head around how a bird can fly halfway across the country and find the same pond every year, unless of course they have like a super intelligence in that regard. But to not even miss flying one way or another by a degree is pretty nuts, especially taking in nights and weather conditions... seems something else is at play… maybe not though… 

Some interesting thoughts though…