“I’m not going to do what everybody thinks I am going to do, and freak out”

To quote Brian from the movie half baked, “I’m not going to do what everybody thinks I am going to do, and freak out”… 

I use that quote, because in the past I would have probably already given up on this endeavor and entered into a depressive and angry period, mad at the world and my situation. In the past, all of my attempts at doing something I felt I would find enjoyable, fell flat. Because I just couldn’t get over the idea and rule of this initiation/bet (see about me section), that I couldn’t use exceptional abilities. I always thought the selling point was definitely a great Idea, or a great story… I thought for sure my book perfect capitalism manifesto would sell many copies and fast… I think some of my ideas are nobel prize winning I thought for sure if I sent a copy of them to universities, I would be accepted on the spot… I always think things will take off very fast and catch on like wildfire through the internet and the world… They still do in my head, but I am beholden to the rules of my situation… It is such a painful feeling at times when things don’t pan out… 

I definitely plan to use this current endeavor to find some of the limits of my situation… For instance, like said in previous posts, I wonder if I can even sell paintings at all, I am not sure if there is some rule against it. Perhaps in the past I just didn’t approach it from the right angle or persist enough… It probably has to pan out from like the “average person” perspective, that things won’t happen over-night or quickly, that I can’t try just a couple simple marketing attempts. I can only imagine what kind of a headache all of this is for people managing the rules of this bet… because it must be a bit of a grey area of how things can progress. How could you completely define rules like that, that are so subjective. 

Even though I haven’t progressed very far, it still felt like a successful first month… things seems to be happening a bit, albeit a bit slowly… Plus, I am not as desperate as I was in the past, so I have more patience and persistence. Like I have said before, I am paid up on the website for the year, and I enjoy writing, so I can’t see a reason to stop. I feel that my enemies have been spending a bunch of money lately though… I am hoping it is because they think this will work out for me and are trying to make me give up before it gets going. 

For instance, my social life was picking up a bit, but that has come to a rather abrupt halt. People that regularly talk to me will start to not respond or answer anymore, things like that. Make plans and cancel, something comes up. Stuff that use to really get to me… but I am getting better at getting through the phases when more money is being spent against me. When they had tons and tons of money I would be lucky to hear from someone once or twice a year… so at least that is getting better, now there may be a month here or there or whatever… plus I get responses more often, which is good. I am definitely a social animal. 

Something tells me though, if I persist, this can happen. Before long I will start trying to self-syndicate myself, perhaps in the next month or two, definitely over Christmas break from school. I really don’t need to make that much money considering I live with my parents and they are happy to have me here. So, my initial target doesn’t seem that out of reach, then perhaps after I get to that point, I could reach a bit higher.  

Then, lastly, I don’t have a strong desire to vent anymore, particularly public venting, where you want someone to hear what you have to say. I have gotten much better in that department. Plus, I realize how potentially important this is, so I don’t want to screw it up. Before I may have blown up by now and these blog posts would be filled with rants. But, I have come to grips a bit with my situation now… 

This is another one of those posts that might certainly come to be labeled as schizophrenic… talking about initiation and bets, how I think I have Nobel prize winning ideas that are only met with 10 likes on facebook… How I think everybody is already reading this, but what I see is only a few… 

I’m ready to go down this road and feel good about it… My angle will definitely be on the defensive in some ways… for instance, if someone asked me in an interview, how are things progressing for your website and business?… I may say something like, I think you all have already been reading and following along, we are just acting right now, I am jumping through hoops… but I am having fun in the process haha. I think that is the right approach… I don’t want to be an actor in this story, I want people to know I am aware it is an act, and if we have to call that schizophrenic, I am fine with that! I am going to keep being myself and then see how things evolve around me. Confident I may finally have something sellable, that I enjoy, that falls within the parameters of the initiation/bet. 

Which I hope, many people come along for the ride… So, I have one more thing to add… “Who’s coming with me?”