The wall between me and reality,
Feels like the wall between chaos and Heaven on Earth.
The wall feels so thin at times,
Like the surface tension of water.
The wall is only held up by thoughts,
Thoughts so evil that they are incomprehensible.
The wall is stronger than I ever could have imagined,
An enemy possessed.
The wall brings together a stability,
A stability while somewhat good for the world, is unfortunate for me.
The wall may have become a mending wall,
I worry if it will ever be taken down.
The wall was meant to happen,
But was it meant to remain my whole life?
I wrote this while I was feeling a bit hopeless my situation would never end. I started to come out of that mindset and was thinking about changing the poem but decided to leave it as is.
To me, Not working will feel like Heaven, hanging out with friends again will feel like Heaven, Gamble Junkie will feel like Heaven, thinking about many of my ideas actually being used in the world feels like it will bring about a type of Heaven on Earth. I feel like when this situation is over, we will make the best out of the Hell Hole we call Earth.
When I think about this being some sort of mending wall situation, it would imply that the leadership of both sides of this situation are working together now. That doesn’t make much sense, but I worry if it is possible. Is there in fact some set date this is supposed to end? Has the leadership told people the date it is supposed to end? Have evil leaders turned good and now everyone is using this situation to fix the world? Have good leaders turned evil and they are keeping me in this situation?
It has been a mending wall in a Universal (God’s Plan) type of way… but I wonder if Earthly people are extending a situation that should be over, but they view this as a mending opportunity for the world, at my expense.