Another Trip around the Sun…

Another trip around the sun… 

And so begins my year of recovery… I’m not so sure that I have ever felt so right in my head in my life… All of my thoughts and beliefs seem so logically locked in… The other big factor was achieving World Peace in my head, which I have… It was a very high intense/high stress last 10 to 11 years, a journey that lead me down a path I would have never reasoned imaginable when I was younger… 

 I have actually come a long way mentally the last 3 to 5 years, my mind put me through its own extreme therapy to get me to this point… my mind broke me down to where I was scared to even think a single thought, and then I had to re-learn how to think positively again through a painstaking years long process… I personally think I have entered into more of a PTSD period right now, still a little bit of a fight left to go, one I think can be conquered through some positive thinking, meditating, breathing exercises, etc… as well as taking medications as prescribed… I have hopes that I can make a rather full recovery and regress back to more of my Highschool or College mindset, when I used to live rather care free in an ignorant bliss… 

The plan is to take the year off and live off some savings, then go back to college next fall. Hopefully along the way I will be awarded a scholarship I plan to apply for that is made for schizophrenics trying to re-enter the workforce… I think I fit their mission statement rather well and might make for a good future spokesman if all works out well in the end 😊 But, this year off will be strongly focused on making a strong recovery from my mental problems and hopefully be in a good place to go back and be in a class room setting. I do have high hopes and can see my hard work paying off, I still have problems, but I am going in with the belief that they can be overcome… 

One of the big things I started working on recently, is increasing my belief in God & Heaven… if you read one of my past articles, I actually think we may have evolved to not believe in God & Heaven when we are depressed as it increases our will to live in this universe… I am about 99% belief and 1% dis-belief at this point, the 1% is just a part of my mind that always asks me, but what if your wrong? Just enough to make me question God & Heaven and increase my will to live in this universe… But I want to be 100%… I think I would achieve a new level of happiness and spirituality if I did, would make life feel more real, I always feel partly as if there is a fog over my eyes… I have felt the fog lifted in the past and would like to experience it again, it was the best feeling in the world in a lot of ways… 

I also want to lose my fear of a natural death… death here is not death… to die here, is just to be “teleported” back to heaven… I have been meditating a lot lately with this mantra, that this universe is a battle field, I was teleported here for battle at birth and will be teleported back to heaven at death… to die is just to get an honorable discharge for those with a moral soul… I don’t want to fear cancer, cancer is nothing but early release in many ways, could almost be looked at as something to be celebrated by those in the right mindset… I don’t want to fear going to the hospital and getting “bad news”… death should not be feared in such a way… 

I have been starting to think of heaven as the best version of this universe in many ways… when we look at the potential of our universe and us as humans, that is what I think the home base of heaven might be like, very similar to this earth in many ways… we will experience life in many of the same ways… it helps to think of teleporting to a world and existence that feels very similar, death can much more be equated to falling asleep and waking up… makes it more believable and the transfer of souls less daunting and overwhelming… 

I will probably touch on these topics more in the future and even how I even think suicide should still be looked at as a sin, that is something to be avoided at almost all costs, although I don’t think every suicide will be punished… 

This new year is off to a good start though, hopefully I can keep building on all of my progress and make a full recovery in the near future… I have high hopes and am feeling pretty good for the most part… I think I am even in a good place mentally to take some bad news as well… expect the best and plan for the worst is a good expression… 

On to the next trip around the sun! 

The College Blur…

You may have heard of the college blur, when many people tend to have a hard time remembering a lot of it… this often gets written off by many people as an alcohol induced problem… I myself personally remember next to nothing from college anymore, it’s almost as if I went to school, blacked out and then became conscious after it was over…  

When I try to go back into my college memory, I often feel I can pin point one of the days that it feels like my memory blacked out. It was when I started taking interpersonal communications and they started discussing how to read body language and things like that, I don’t remember a class after that… I hardly remember any class or anything I learned for that matter, there are classes I finished and I thought I dropped and even a class I am not even sure I took… I have a theory about the class I don’t remember whatsoever, but it was called ceramics and I don’t recall a moment of pottery in my college years… it may have been a class though where we did some like abstract sculptures and things like that, that I remember a little. 

The thing is, I don’t think this was alcohol induced… which I did a little drinking on the weekends in college… but I don’t think that is it… I think my brain went into hardwire mode… I tend to believe that my brain was thinking so fast, that it didn’t really take the time to make memories or it was incapable of making long term ones… I went into college with one mindset, went into hardwire mode, and came out a different person after acquiring everything I learned… 

I compare this to our early childhood years, before we have our first memories… If you think back on your life, it was like you just woke up one day knowing how to speak a language and do various tasks… somewhere along the way we are suddenly conscious with this acquired information… You see, while I know our developing brains have something to do with memory, I tend to also believe that we are just learning so fast when we are little and trying to make sense of the world, that our brain doesn’t make long term memories, it may actually hinder the process of hardwiring a lot of information into our brains… 

But, I think college is such an overload of information for a lot of people that they go back into hardwire mode… this happens to people in the trades as well, my friend who is a machinist had a similar experience learning how to program and operate machines, he doesn’t remember learning how to do it almost at all, yet he became and is now an excellent machinist… 

I just personally think there is more at play with this college blur that many people experience and that it shouldn’t be written off as just drinking too much alcohol… I am sure it happens to lots of people that didn’t drink at all as well… 

I tend to have a better recall memory as well… so I might remember more than I know if people got to talking about things… but I think I experienced a rather large hardwiring blur effect though… Then of course our brain is like a computer with limited capacity and only so much access to long term memory, often as new important information comes in our brain has to move some other stuff out… the theory is that our brain might hold on to every memory, but we can only access so much of it… will save that discussion for another day though… 

Interesting thoughts I thought though…  

Did we evolve to not believe in God & Heaven?

I have come to feel that we may have evolved to not believe in God and Heaven… To put it in the simplest terms, if we don’t believe in God & Heaven, we will have a stronger will to live in this Universe… If someone thinks this is the only life we live, we will go to greater lengths to protect it.

Evolution is all about survival, having a strong will to live in this universe makes a lot of sense… It makes sense for surviving in our environment and even protecting us from ourselves… That’s right, in certain terms we should be less suicidal if we don’t think we are going anywhere after this life.

We have actually developed a rather strong will to live… it is why we feel so bad for people that commit suicide; it is a very painful mental process to end up in that situation. It is one of the saddest things in the world in all reality, a very painful process indeed…

It is an evolutionary anti-suicide/anti-depressant to not be able to fully believe in God & Heaven… by this reasoning, the more depressed we are, the harder it may be to truly believe… we may go our whole lives with at least a portion of our mind not being able to fully commit to the belief, no matter how hard we will it…

The will to live also leads us to believe in God & Heaven, it becomes and interesting balancing act… We believe to feel like we will live forever, with beliefs applied to therapy correctly it is a major anti-depressant that can lead many people to happiness, and we instill a belief in society to help control society and help make us safe. We like the idea of everyone believing that there is a God of Justice watching over us, that we should act in moral ways less we be punished or discarded. I always say that the more you take God out of the world, the more a person or a group has to act like God here on Earth…

As we are happy or depressed, we can move along the scale of belief and dis belief. I myself have come to feel 99% belief and 1% disbelief, there always seems to be this 1% that says, but what if your wrong? To keep me just enough in disbelief to give me the extra will to live. Which is good… I hope to be so happy one day that I can 100% commit to belief.

I really think this is an evolutionary device though. I think our brains are wired like this and designed to not allow us to fully believe… our mind wants that will to live in this Universe…

In ancient human history, maybe lots of people did commit suicide and didn’t propagate… All the different mindsets that could easily move one to suicide may have evolved out of us, one of which would be truly believing in God & an Afterlife. A mental path that has been blocked or strongly fortified by our minds.

Interesting to think about anyways… could explain a lot of things in all reality… could also be useful knowledge for all our spiritual journeys… many implications…

I just hope this doesn’t increase anyone’s will to commit suicide… there is help out there and your life has purpose in ways you may never realize in this life!

An mmorpg first-person shooter game… I think a lot of people would like it…

I have an interesting idea for an mmorpg shooter game… 

You have zones like many different mmorpg games, but each zone is a different theme for the most part… can have western, space, modern, jungle, fantasy, etc… that battle ground in each area, or shooter game stays within that areas theme… so when you have a new expansion every year, it would be a new theme, but you would still have all the old zones as well. 

Then you would have like the open areas like other mmorpg’s, places to run around, hang out in social areas… hang out in bars or pool halls or whatever… maybe even have housing like in EQ2 or something of that nature… maybe could even have questlines and thing like that for your character to do… 

You get the general idea though… but one that would allow a person to roleplay more and socialize in unique ways… In EQ2 I refer to my character as my avatar in an alternate universe… 

I think a lot of people might like something like these though, I think it could really take off… an mmorpg mixed with a first-person shooter game… 

Something to think about and have fun imagining! 

Book Club (Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely): Chapter 9…

Thoughts in order as I was reading… Short Chapter this week and not too much to add on my end… 

 

I feel like the ships are burning behind me as well, as I see my path of least resistance in becoming a therapist… most jobs tend to make me believe that they will make me miserable or want to kill myself, those jobs are burning in a way… The job of a therapist seems like one of victory or perish in a sense, a lot of pressure to succeed… I hope and believe I can pull it off though… 

  • This was a bit unrelated to the book, but I thought it was interesting how it tied into my current life and line of thinking though. 

I am so impressed at how this author and his colleagues come up with these clever little experiments to try and learn something new or confirm a suspicion… Not always administered in the most scientific way, but they make their point known. 

  • The door closing theory really could affect many aspects of life 
  • Interesting to tie it to dating and children’s activities 
  • I am going to read further before making any more comments 

I never really felt dating more than one person at once was acceptable… Doesn’t seem fair to the person you are dating. If you are going to try and make it work, have to go all in… constantly comparing the person to someone else… 

  • This study actually makes a strong argument as to the dangers of dating multiple people at once, we can almost never come to fully commit 
  • Might make for a bad mental habit your whole life about not fully committing, a mental door is always open to a new person, constantly comparing your interests 
  • Perhaps some modern dating practices are part of the high divorce rates 

I didn’t think “the other side of this tragedy” section made for very good points or that it was extremely relevant to the study… I guess if we were looking at time as the currency within the doors 

  • Not bad like life advice though, about how we manage our time and things that are important to us 
  • He had me down like a whole different mental path is what I am saying… just messed up the flow of the chapter a little bit… just my opinion though… sorry if being too harsh 

Interesting point in how we often fail to realize what is happening while we are deciding… We don’t take enough into account, the negative side of our indecision 

And that’s the end of the chapter… Not much on my end this week… 

Also wanted to add that it can also be very hard to accept when a door is closed, keep trying to pry it back open… That we can make a new ship out of the ashes… 

The Entertainment Industry: A Universal Cry for help…

I think I am starting to understand the massive draw to Entertainment and Entertainers in the past. The entertainment industry was a massive release of internal thoughts and emotions into the Public Sphere and the World. In a world where mental health was heavily stigmatized, the entertainment industry became a major form of therapy for many people. People were expressing and talking about emotions that many other people shared, but never talked about. Many people, all of a sudden didn’t feel so alone in the world anymore.  

The people expressing these emotions and, in some cases, shouting them from the roof tops, became a lot of people’s therapists in a way. Many people wanted guidance from these entertainers, they became a life line for a lot of people struggling in the world. A major problem that occurred, was that these entertainers weren’t well equipped to be giving good advice at the time, which the new lifestyles of entertainers did not help. But they were expressing common issues with other people, and they were trying to work through their problems together in a way. They spoke to a lot of people that didn’t want to seek help, couldn’t seek help, didn’t know how to seek help, couldn’t afford help, or it wasn’t available yet. 

The entertainment industry did an amazing job of releasing internal thoughts in all reality. I don’t think psychologist at the time even realized how broad in scope the range of emotions and life experiences were. We started to realize how unique everyone is and how we experience the world in almost an unlimited amount of ways and perspectives. Not to mention, we all just have such a different amount of life experiences in general. The entertainment industry was like a therapists/sociologists dream in a way, we could really start to take a look into many people’s minds, we could even start to see a big picture of the country/world and be able to see the broader mental illnesses of the country and start to address them systematically, trying to solve the biggest problems first and work our way down. 

I think that is also what causes so many people at times to become so attached to entertainers. We as people often grow strong connections to our therapist or religious leaders for many different reasons. But in my opinion, it was almost as if the entertainers were crying out for help as well. The entertainment industry in many ways was a cry for help, for someone to come and understand them and help them solve their problems. Which, I think psychologists/sociologists/economists/philosophers (Humanities & Social Sciences) decided to answer the call and try and help the best they can. I think the growth in the psychology field has led to the loss of a lot of the allure of entertainers, people now have other options to help treat their problems, they have an entire profession aimed at helping them now. We understand ourselves and our brains better now than at any other time in history I would assume. The field of psychology is finally starting to catch up… they had no clue how far they were actually behind years ago… 

It was such a release of emotions… it was interesting to see not just what people were saying, but how fans and followers were reacting as well… almost alarming at times, the amount of worship you could see in a person’s eyes… but that was something to try and be understood as well… 

I guess I will leave it at that for now… just something to get your minds going… I think this is something if I really wanted to dive into, could probably easily write a book about it, one thought just rolling into the next… But I just wanted to point out something I felt I realized… 

Is the meaning of Life the same for Animals and Humans?

Maybe some Animals or Species of Animals… A good question is do you mean the meaning in life in general or the meaning of life here on earth? I think they are separate… I think the meaning in life in Heaven is to be good companions for Eternity, God probably created us, so he wasn’t lonely in my opinion… meant to be happy, enjoy life, and be the kind of company you would want to spend eternity with. Some animals could certainly help fulfill that role. 

I don’t personally think every animal goes to Heaven though, many were meant to be food here on Earth in my opinion for the most part, could also serve some other purposes here… I don’t think we need trillions or more chickens in heaven though… I could see our animal companions making it to heaven though. 

An interesting question to me would be… would it be ethical to still not let dogs talk in heaven? But I think if they talked and were much more intelligent, we wouldn’t have the same relationship… Seems wrong to go through eternity not being able to communicate… But having those abilities would then make it weird or immoral to still have an owner or pet. Do dogs enjoy being dogs enough to justify an eternity of their current abilities? I could see it being an ethical problem for God… When you have the power to instill intelligence, is it ok to keep certain species not as smart for eternity? Maybe… Perhaps a dog absolutely loves being a dog. 

When I even think about Humans, I can’t imagine God envisioned creating so many souls… But plans change I suppose… If you think of how many people have existed and are yet to exist, it would seem an excessive amount of people. Many more than necessary to be less lonely in Heaven… this crazy situation (See post: Why do Bad things happen to good people) may have been a blessing for many people in a way, brought a lot more people into existence than originally planned. That is seeing something good within the bad I suppose… Life will certainly be awesome and worth living for eternity in the right environment and situation!