A Case for God…

For us to exist, there must be something that has always existed. You hear the age-old argument: well, if there is a God, where did he come from? Well, if you continue to ask that question, well then, where did that come from? Next answer, then where did that come from? It would be an absolutely endless question with no beginning.

So, you conclude that it must have started somewhere. But, now you have something that started it, but didn’t come from anywhere and has no beginning. Thus, concluding, that for us to exist, there must be something that has always existed, and that there is actually no beginning of time.

Now you take that logical undeniable truth and we can conclude that we are actually in a different dimension and that at least 2 dimensions exist, or that we live in a dimension with no time (base state of existence), but the big bang created a sense of time by setting in motion perpetual motion.

Because…

In a dimension that has no beginning of time, it is not that it doesn’t have an endless past, it is that it doesn’t have a past or a future. It is just in a state of existence. Your mind’s memory only perceives a future and a past.

In a state of existence (or as I like to call, “base state of existence”), you can only alter the pre-sent, the only time you live in. So, anything you create cannot fade because no time passes. So, the fact is we live in a dimension where all things fade (it only takes one); we can’t live in the base state of existence. But the base state of existence must exist.

Thus, concluding that there are at least 2 different dimensions.

Or, we could live in the base state of existence, and the big bang has created “time” within a section of our dimension.

Now…

The base state of existence is the foundation of existence… and within it, because no time passes, it is always in the present tense—there is no past or future. Technically, nothing should function in the base state of existence because there is no catalyst. In life as we know it, energy is the catalyst of life.

I would argue that anything that could function without time, and that always existed, would be God. So, either energy is God or a creation of God. I personally argue for the latter.

Interesting thing to think about… If we are in a different dimension, you might wonder what could even cause energy to function. In an alternate dimension other than the base state of existence, time may be a catalyst. If you think of time like a waterfall that powers a power plant, we may flow through time, or time may flow through us, creating friction and causing energy to function…

Some fun things to think about anyways!

Season’s Greetings… My Christmas Card to Everyone

I don’t really have many, if any people to send a Christmas Card to. So, I thought it would be fun to do one as a Blog post. Plus, I kind of let my thoughts fly on the blog, not sure I would do that sending it to family & friends. Will make a blog post to the world, including family and friends, but won’t do a traditional Christmas card in that fashion… Perhaps I am worried about the response I might get or something. I think one of these days soon though I may show my logic on why God exists to a friend and see if they are allowed to deny it or see what happens… then ask a question like, would the person that Proves God exists win a Nobel Prize or some kind of award or something? Perhaps get at least one comment about it from someone? Then conclude the conversation with… so can one other person on this planet acknowledge that I am screwed then? It would be interesting to find out where that conversation would go… perhaps in the very near future… If people just play it off like it is common knowledge or something, I might ask why we aren’t teaching it in school or why I haven’t heard of it before?… would think it would be a major part of every religion that preaches God’s existence… Rather than saying, believe in God, they could say it is a logical fact that God exists… 

Anyways… So, these cards will normally talk about what the person has been up to this year correct? 

I started back to school this fall after a little hiatus after seeing if some other things might work out. School has been going well and I have been enjoying classes for the most part. Was a little fried by the end of the semester, so winter break is going to be nice. I really like being in sociology, as it really clicks with the way my brain works a lot. I like to consider it a modern-day philosophy in a way or an amalgamation of many of the liberal arts fields. My mental health has been making a lot of improvements. While I still very much feel like a mental health patient, and truly feel the schizophrenia (and autism I believe), I am much less depressed and my overall thinking is much better. I don’t have many depressive thoughts and enjoy life for the most part currently. I still have some days here and there and occasionally a week, but I do feel like my old self in some ways, which is nice. 

I got back into Everquest 2 recently, which has been nice. Helps keep me busy, I like having my little avatar in an alternate universe. It can really feel like a home away from home at times. I tend to really immerse myself in the game and play it a bit like the sims. My game life can be much more exciting than my real life at times and with much more to do. Plus, something like working in the game, feels completely different than work in real life. I am not sure how to explain it, real life work tends to really stress me out and isn’t good, but working in the game feels like the right amount of work and helps me feel good and somewhat productive. I feel like I put in a good day’s work in the game sometimes if that makes sense, and without compromising my mental health which is very nice. So, getting back into eq2 has been good. 

I still have the news on all day for the most part, I try to watch all the different networks. Can feel like changing channels between worlds sometimes, that’s for sure. Hard to believe everyone is living on the same planet. I honestly still don’t really believe a lot of what I see in the news, still think it is like an elaborate soap opera in a lot of ways. That is generally how I watch it, like a soap opera, although it can be hard to not get sucked in a little sometimes. I do think sometimes we tackle important issues along the way though, even if it is made up for the most part. Not even sure what I still think about this whole Covid-19 thing. Don’t get me wrong, I still treat it like its real and wear my mask and everything, will get the vaccine when it becomes available. I still comment on events and things to my friend like it’s all real. But I can’t at times wonder if it isn’t all still some elaborate hoax for a viewing audience of one. Just some things really make me wonder. It’s interesting in my head, feeling like I am living in an interactive soap opera for the most part. Everyone in the world acting, from my family and friends to my fellow citizens I see on TV. 

I just can’t believe it is all real… to go back to the first paragraph, I know I proved God’s existence… I literally haven’t heard one comment about it since, in my mind that would be world altering information. So, those two things can’t coexist in my mind that way. I can’t have done something world altering and then not seen the world altered in any way at all, not even my immediate world. In my head it all has to be this interactive soap opera I am in. My thoughts haven’t changed much at all in that regard… still think I am on camera 24/7, still think everything is wiretapped or bugged, think all my school work is shared, still think I am interacting with people I see on the news and other live television, etc… think I am known by the whole world and am just still in this initiation/bet or whatever… living in my interactive soap opera where most everything is staged… I am just waking up and walking through a play every day… Am I crazy to think that it is weird that no one has shared this blog or my books or anything? Based on everything I have ever seen; many would have eaten all this up for sure… but instead it is crickets… 

Tis a wild life for sure… still trying to strive though… 

One last thing… I did a degree plan for school in which I talked about my goals and such and what I wanted to do with my degree, etc… one of the things I talked about was using my degree to have a successful blog, write articles, opinion pieces, books, etc… So, my mentor has put into my degree plan writing for new media, another similar class, and blogging… I found this interesting and somewhat hopeful… I sometimes tend to believe some of the rules of my situation are that I can only really do things that I achieved the “right way” or you might call it the “hard way”… to say that if I was going to be good at business, I would have to graduate with a business degree… The world would never be able to admit that I am smart or gifted… I wonder if I have to always follow certain channels that many have to do… all part of my crazy agreed upon upbringing in my insane situation… So, I am kind of hoping if I graduate and take these classes, if I follow what they say to the T in a way, if I may be able to succeed in those areas… Perhaps I can have a successful sociology blog if I graduate with a degree in sociology and take blogging classes? Maybe anyways… A little bit of hope… There may be other rules about not being popular and things like that, I don’t know… It is all so insane… 

That’s where I am at these days anyways. A key takeaway is that I am rather happy these days, so that is good. Sorry if you are not happy right now and hope you are soon. Didn’t want to rub it anyone’s face right now or anything, especially with people “losing their jobs” and all the other “covid-19” related issues… among all other life struggles… but I was very depressed for many years, so that is big for me… Plus with my condition, there really isn’t any in-between… I am either like the happiest person on the planet or one of the most depressed people on the planet… 

Anyways, Guess I will end it here… 

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! 

A prison meant specifically for Police Officers…

After watching and listening to many people talk over the last few months about police reform, I think I have one possible thing that could help. An Idea I had a number of years ago, a prison meant specifically for police officers… 

I still think dirty cops or cops that have flagrant misconduct should go to regular prison, as I would consider them not really cops and that they broke their oath. But cops that may accidently break procedure or something like that should have a separate prison to go to in my opinion. A lot of times they may have done almost everything right except for one split moment that may result in the life of someone or what have you. But I do think there should be punishment when a procedure or protocol is broken though. 

I just don’t think the punishment often fits the crime when sending police officers to regular prison. We all know it will be more dangerous for them in there as well as how dangerous prisons already are. I think a good compromise is having a prison specifically for police officers… I am not saying it should be club fed or anything like that, but a place where the punishment is more suited to the crime or violation of protocol. 

I really think you would also see a lot more convictions of wrongdoing by police officers as well. I feel juries would feel much better sending them to a prison specifically designed for themA key statement I like to use is Punishment fitting the crime. 

I think overall this is a good compromise, and a good way of still having police officers’ backs. You can support the police and still feel that some need to be punished at times for certain things. It would be a good way of helping police the police as well, as I do see some issues with lack of oversight and independent review. Hopefully it could be a good step forward. 

An idea that may help out the Incel community a bit…

Last year I was introduced to the incel community, which I had never previously heard of. They have gotten a lot of attention due to some of the more extremist views of some of their members, among other incidents. At the base of community is some legitimate concerns though and I can understand why many become depressed. The idea of starting an incel community was actually a really good idea in my opinion and still is. It got out of hand, but if done right could be a very good thing for a lot of people. 

One of the concerns of many of the members, if not the biggest concern, is when you are only attracted to highly attractive people. They are just wired that way and most probably wish they weren’t. Wouldn’t everybody love to find everybody physically attractive? There is no “lowering the bar” for these people, they find it impossible to be attracted to people deemed not highly attractive. They would rather be depressed and single then be with someone that they don’t find attractive in their mind. It really has nothing to do with being shallow, it is more something evolved into them. It becomes a big concern if you have trouble attaining one of these women or men for various reasons, one of those reasons could be the persons own looks. It can become a very depressive situation for these individuals. This happens to both males and females. 

I got to thinking about possible solutions and I think I came up with an interesting one that might be worth a try and could help a lot of people... virtual dating with a bit of a twist… 

Being someone that always thinks eternally and about heaven… I think of how we will all look however we want when we get to heaven, that what we have now are just temporary biological shells. My idea for virtual dating draws from that concept. The idea is that you will join this dating website, which I think you should have to get a prescription from a mental health counselor to join and will be highly regulated to make sure it is not being misused and such. But you will join this website and choose a model as your avatar so to speak, or how you want to look when you get to heaven. All members of the dating community will choose their model avatars and have virtual relationships using their model’s pictures and videos and such. You guys will still text and talk and whatever else, but your relationship will be based off of how you plan to look someday. You will continue the relationship in this fashion for as long as you like or until you die. Get virtually married if you want to. 

It will be a purely virtual relationship so to speak. I honestly think it will be good for a lot of people. I think you can have very healthy, committed, and serious relationships virtually. I also think that people can have very healthy sex lives virtually and that physical sex is overrated here on Earth. The models in my opinion should be seen as sex therapists in a way, helping a lot of people live a better life. There would be a strong commitment to protecting all the models privacy. I really think they would be doing some of God’s work though 

That is the basic idea though, people having virtual relationships using models as avatars so to speak. Just getting ahead of living in heaven a bit, why wait right? I really think this could be good for a lot of people and these would be serious relationships that would hopefully become normalized in our society. It should also be a lot more regulated than the sites we are used to where anybody can just sign up and cause all sorts of problems. I think prescriptions could be a good idea and really going above and beyond to verify identities and things like that. I don’t want any people trying to use other people for various reasons or abuse the model’s identities. 

Something to think about anyways… it is honestly something I would most likely do if I was in that mental situation. 

The not so useless, “useless degrees”…

I was inspired to write this after speaking with my college mentor. We have to take a unique class at our university in which one part will be describing what we may plan to do with our degree. How will this degree help you succeed at life? What can we do within the field? How do you intend to make a living with this degree?

One of the problems with the way my own mind works, is that all the disciplines I am good at tend to be considered useless degrees by many people… Perhaps not useless to a small percentage in the field, but many that get these degrees aren’t necessarily learning a trait or specific skill set that is extremely useful in the workforce. Some degrees are pretty much only directly useful if you plan to be a college professor. Which doing a little simple math and thinking of the ratio of professors to students and the rate at which teachers retire, a very small percentage of students in these fields will become professors.

I can definitely see why some come to the conclusion that these degrees are useless to a large extent or that it is all a lost cause in a way. They can be especially damaging if you take out a large student loan and don’t really learn any specific skills that will lead to a high paying job. It is part of the big conundrum of the college cost debate… there is certainly a failure of the college/college expense system in this area. Do we just decide not to give out loans for certain degrees? Should certain degrees cost less to get? If we were to pay for free college as a country, would we want these degrees to be included? Are we really getting a good bang for our buck? Should the number of students accepted into the field be cut way down? If we cut the number down the cost per student would go up… Tough questions for sure…

I think I will give a crack at defending these degrees…

I shall open my argument by bringing up a rather controversial figure in history, Diogenes. He lived his life as a beggar for the most part, but is considered one of the most influential philosophers of all time. His work inspired many people, including kings, as his teachings were built upon over the years. Many philosophers were from rich families or had rich contributors, which of course others found other means. But when philosophers only come from one class of people, one area of the working world, or are only one type of person for that matter, we only get a very narrow vision of the world. Do we only want to teach future generations from only a few different worldviews and experiences?

I think I actually like the idea of many of these more social science minded people becoming cashiers, baristas, machine operators, factory workers, managers, bosses, journalist, small business owners, etc… These people will learn certain ways of thinking about and analyzing the world and use that to influence the world around them for their entire lives. They will write blogs, books and articles about their experiences. They will share knowledge with all the people they come in contact with… they will be able to give people advice and be good therapist friends to those that need it and can’t or won’t talk to anyone else. They will join historical societies and help preserve and write history. They will be voters… They will help build a rich culture and deeper understanding of our world. Maybe one will affect a few people and maybe one will affect millions or billions.

I don’t think everyone needs a job within that field in order for it to be effective and have a large impact on the world. There really isn’t any down side to being educated and being a bit more specialized in a field that speaks to you. The one downside might be some potentially enlarged egos from feeling a little overly smart from having advanced education.

I do think these fields are unique in that way though, that we shouldn’t necessarily just look at numbers like the number of people with a degree that now have jobs that don’t require that degree or a degree in general and think that is such a bad thing. That degree may prove useful to the world in many other ways…

I am going to school for sociology… I will be a sociologist my whole life regardless of what job I have after. I will live a life of purpose while sharing my thoughts and ideas from my own unique perspective. I will continue to learn and try to understand the world around me. I will try to make the world a better place… How effective I am, I will let history decide…

There is a butterfly effect to everything in life…

Expensive therapy with possible benefits: A New Life Trajectory…

Been doing a lot of thinking lately that has been leading me on a new life trajectory… I really think my main goal is going to be opening a small coffee shop with a little niche I have in mind… The question is, how will I get to that point? I also have to hope that a coffee shop falls within the rules of my situation of things I am allowed to successfully do… But I think it is worth a shot anyways. I figure if I save up enough, I could give it a run for a year even if it flops. It would be a pretty fun year either way in my opinion…

Unfortunately, I still don’t think mentally I am quite up for working at a normal job yet. I have a ways to go yet, but I am seeing progress. Plus, I also think people would like me to put it off as long as possible as well, less driving and things like that. I don’t even think I will own a car for the next couple years for the most part. Basically, just get groceries and other necessities from very local stores. Will live a rather hermit type lifestyle in many ways…

So, the plan is to go to school this fall, which I am already enrolled and ready to roll. But I am changing up my degree a bit. At first, I wanted to go into psychology and follow the path of becoming a therapist if need be. But that path is a rather daunting one… it would be competitive getting into graduate school, then graduate school would be difficult, plus I would have to move to do my practical’s and internships and things. Followed by having to move away for so many years to get my observation hours in somewhere. Plus, who knows what kinds of situations and mind benders I may find myself in being a therapist. I don’t really want to move away, and I don’t think the world wants me to move away either… Not to mention the debt I would acquire, and what if I took on that much debt and stumbled somewhere along the way… would not be good.

So, I have decided to go into sociology. I am really hoping I can do an interdisciplinary degree with sociology and writing for digital media and platforms. I am not really sure it will lead to anything as my writing hasn’t really gone anywhere yet, and I am not sure it is allowed within the rules of my life’s situation. I don’t know though; I don’t know if having a degree will change things up a bit… It is probably more something I would hope to do on the side or something. Who knows, perhaps this blog would finally take off or something or bring in a little revenue… Plus I figure that having a bachelors may help me get a job or move into a management position somewhere or something, who knows? Perhaps it will help change up the rules to make my coffee shop more viable as well…

In a way though, I am just looking at college as an expensive therapy session. That is part of the reason I want to do sociology. Even if my degree doesn’t lead to anything or improve my situation, I will spend the next couple years in school and engaged in topics I enjoy. I think it will go a long way in my recovery and helping my mental health. Hopefully by the time I am done with school I will feel up to having a regular job. School is my happy place in a way… and since I didn’t get disability, it is the next best option in my opinion.

Plus, I am single and don’t have any kids or anything. So, my college debt shouldn’t be too much of a financial burden in all reality. I think it will be very much worth it… Even if just as therapy and a way to pass some time for a while… It may open up some doors I am not aware of though within the rules of my life though, and that could be good. I guess I can hold out a little hope in that regard…

Then I get out of school and probably just get a job at one of the places within walking distance of me… Save up a bit and try to open up my little place after a little while. I figure it will be a 3 to 5-year plan hopefully… I don’t think my initial investment in the shop should be too bad, I am more worried about having enough savings to cover rent and things for a year in case it is an absolute flop… It shouldn’t be as I think it is a great idea I have in mind, but in my situation, it very well could be… I remain rather hopeful though!

That is the general idea for my near future though… Hopefully will have a little coffee shop going by the age of 40. After evaluating all options and taking into account my mental conditions, this does seem the best course and path of least resistance… Cautiously optimistic of course, but optimistic at least! Puts my mind at ease and should let me enjoy the present moment more.

Could be a rather enjoyable ride…

A Case for God 2: A Random Infinity Loop would be a Paradox…

These are some brainstorming thoughts about a Random Infinity Loop being a Paradox… That the first movement of existence would have had to have been an act of will by an Eternal Being that always existed…

Could something (our existence/universe) have always been random? Or does it need to be an act of will?

  • Seems illogical that it could be random… that it could be random and have always existed… Everything would have had to have been done, as there is no starting point… Seems to me like a Paradox.
  • Like everything would have had to have been done before it existed, in order to exist… Would it cancel it out?
  • I think randomness would need to have a starting point.

Now if it is a being that is rendered infinite within such a state that always existed… Then it could all start with an act of will.

  • If an infinite being is in a state that renders that it always existed…all timelines would be composed of that state, there would be no randomness… No potential timelines could also kill it once it moves, it exists in an infinity loop. (There are almost two infinity loops at work in a way, the being is an infinity loop in order to exist and to have always existed, and then once is moves it is also in an infinity loop. It wouldn’t be able to move and exist if the second infinity loop didn’t exist as well)
  • The first movement is the beginning of existence in a way and our existence… but it would have to be an act of will by an infinite being that always existed.
  • It has to be a being… It must first exist in essentially a solid state to be a closed infinity loop and then make its first move from there.

Always existed, can’t die on any timeline… (Thoughts on a random infinity loop)

  • Every possibility would have to be accounted for in order for it to exist
  • Everything would have had to have happened before it existed (Paradox)
  • Would each possible timeline just keep endlessly repeating itself
  • Also, if there are infinite random possibilities, the infinity loop wouldn’t be closed (Paradox)
  • For it to be closed, I think everything would be capable of repeating itself
  • We would be on an eternal loop. This storyline will repeat to every minute detail. Kind of implies that we existed before we existed (Paradox).
  • This storyline has always existed, every storyline would have to exist before it existed (Paradox)
  • There would be no starting point, what is it repeating from then? (Paradox)
  • How could mass exist in a state that has always constantly been in motion? Mass could not have ever existed in a single state. Could mass exist in a random infinity loop? It seems it would already have to be placed there while in motion, that it would have to have a starting point.  Mass would never exist in a solid state in a random infinity loop, would be constantly in flux, would have always been. (Paradox?)
  • I would have written this endless times before and endless times after… I would be constantly be writing this… I would always have to exist writing this in a way (Paradox) That is a big paradox… because there is no past or future, you can’t have endlessly done things before… or endlessly do it after… In a way I would be frozen in this moment, but I move forward… The timelines would have to overlap in a way to have always existed, which I don’t think is possible.
  • I have always lived this life; I will repeat this life endlessly… I have done it endlessly before (Paradox)
  • Has to have a beginning. A random infinity loop needs a beginning, but then it wouldn’t be infinite. Or it would have to be something in motion placed into an infinity loop.
  • We can’t exist before we existed… (That Paradox may be the nail in the coffin, seems riddled with many other paradoxes as well)

There is a huge difference between inserting randomness into a second infinity loop or inserting and act of will. When inserting randomness, all things will happen and continuously repeat… when inserting and act of will, all things are possible but only “what you do” happens.

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This blog feels like my Thesis anymore…

This blog feels more like my thesis or life’s work anymore… Its status has evolved in my brain, there is a much higher barrier to entry between my brain and the blog. It has to be blog worthy anymore…

The blog-worthy posts have gotten fewer and further in between, just not much has reached the bar in recent time. I desire a blog-worthy post, but have found my efforts lacking.

I suppose I say this to let you know that I probably won’t ever post like the way I used to, sometimes almost every day for a month or so, or three a week or whatever. I just feel like I have gotten a lot out of my system.

It has been very therapeutic for me as well… I have come a long way mentally over the last so many years. I believe this blog has helped tremendously. It has also helped shape my vision for the future, helped shape myself, and given me a strong sense of identity within my crazy world. I am not sure I have ever felt so locked in with my thoughts in all of my life, which is a good feeling.

Hopefully a blog-worthy idea will pop up here and there though… I’ll know it when I think it…

I have more resorted in recent time to twitter for a lot of daily and weekly thoughts… there is still a barrier to entry for my tweets, but it is much lower in my mind. I greatly enjoy tweeting.

Thanks for following along on my Journey so far, hopefully it has been mutually beneficial… It isn’t over yet; this is something I hope to continue for life… I gladly promote “The Eclectic Schizophrenic” moniker and Identity now. Something I hope to carry into my future endeavors, or rather that my future endeavors become a part of.

Have a good day and I hope you enjoy going through my posts!

I still hold out hope for Miracles, and not just for small ones either…

A couple nights ago, I dreamed that I was Pole Vaulting… I was young, perfectly healthy, and everything felt completely real, it felt as if I was really Pole Vaulting… 

This led me to start thinking about energy and how we don’t really need our physical bodies to live. I didn’t need my physical body to feel like I was truly Pole Vaulting, I just needed the energy in my mind. Which energy never dies… These biological bodies we have seem to just capture our energy for a whileJust another perspective on how real Heaven is, and how potentially close Heaven could always be to us. 

It could be a very thin wall dividing us from Heaven, that we are basically always touching Heaven in a way. It makes me feel like a backdoor to Heaven could be potentially possible… That we could potentially escape the process of the Death Transition that is necessary for us to enter into Heaven, that these Biological shells must die in order for us to cross over. 

Perhaps it isn’t the sky ripping open that we are looking and hoping for… Rather just a peaceful transfer of our personal energy into the universe of energy. I have said before it would be kind of cool if a big enough solar flare just wiped us out without us even knowing what happened… Sometimes I wonder if we ever unlocked the backdoor, we would just seamlessly transfer into Heaven… never a slip of consciousness, to perhaps even keep walking on the very Earth we stand… 

Death is so mentally violent (and actually violent sometimes) here because our minds have evolved so much to avoid it, to fear it, to survive… we make it a painful process in our minds. It is even scary and violent in a way to be dying and be questioning if there is an afterlife, it can make it a painful experience… 

I always say that if God could have pulled off his plan and still put in a backdoor to Heaven, that he would. That first and foremost would be carrying out the plan, but secondly would be leaving us in the best possible situation afterwards. I still think the only way would be with Love & connecting with the spiritual energy of this world… to unleash some deep magic within this world… to open some back door… It has certainly never been tried, our world has been much more filled with war and a place where evil has a place to thrive… 

Evil seems so determined to not even let us try and see if it works… It is still so illogical to me how truly evil people can be… Feels almost unbelievable, yet we are living through it… It is an unbelievable evil. It is also unbelievable how many people have been consumed by it as well… It is an unreasonable evil, beyond my scope of thought… 

I still hold out hope for Miracles, and not just for small ones either… I still hold out hope that this Universe contains some magic within it… It just needs to be unlocked…

The Greater Grievance of Life on Earth…

I found a small lump in my palm yesterday… under the pinky and ring finger area. A couple nights before I felt like I jammed or sprained my pinky finger while I was sleeping, which the pain went away by that night… I started looking up knot in hand and bump in palm and all signs seemed to point to Dupuytren’s contracture. Which could definitely make sense given another issue I have, but won’t mention here today. To make it worse, when I was looking up information, they seemed to say it is pretty rare to get it before you are like 45 and those that get it early normally have a more severe case of it.

I thought, dang, there goes my hands in the future. Maybe not gone, but very limited once it really starts to sets in. I of course sat there last night thinking, why? I thought, man, God gave it to me pretty good with my situation, mental conditions, and other conditions… Now I am going to have like permanent hand problems once this stuff sets in?

I thought man, this will make it really hard to fully enjoy doing things I love doing. I was thinking, even if my situation ends, anymore I have issues piling up that are going to limit my enjoyment when this is all over. I was thinking, what the heck? Why not give me more of a break in this lifetime and let me enjoy it more, especially after everything I have been through and am going through. I was thinking, I am not feeling like I am going to be very rewarded in this lifetime for everything I have been through.

I thought about it and thought about it… then I thought, well it is for a reason… and I started to feel like it was meant to continue to keep me grounded in this lifetime, to remind me that our lives here are a life of service and that this lifetime isn’t meant for extreme care free enjoyment. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Mathew 20:28).

I thought, Man, I can’t enjoy a drink or a little bit of ganja anymore because of my mental condition, my knees are kind of going on my already, my hands are apparently going on me, having some other physical issues that are a bit more private, pretty bad anxiety, schizophrenia, etc… I am certainly not meant to fully enjoy this life and get my party on here ya know?

I have been given a taste of the potential of Life… but I have been made to stay grounded in this lifetime and treat it as a life of service. I am sure by example in many ways…

I am made to dream of Heaven, and to learn to truly believe that it exists and to look forward to it… To realize that is where the true celebration lies… To suffer here in many ways, but to find ways to find happiness through it… I find ways not just for me, but perhaps even more to help others that suffer and to help future generations.

I have been going through grief in some ways for many years… I grieve that this lifetime isn’t meant for enjoyment for the most part. I grieve that my dreams can’t all come true here and that I must look to Heaven out of necessity. I grieve that I must learn to truly believe and accept a life of service here. I grieve because I see my life continuing to be limited here. I grieve because part of me still says, what if Heaven isn’t real? What if I never get to have the fun I really want to have.

I am at the acceptance portion of grief for sure… I need to truly accept many things and to truly believe in Heaven… Only then will I be over this grief and enjoy my life to the fullest here… Part of the grief process of life is truly believing in Heaven in my opinion, only then can we let go of many of our griefs and the much greater grief of life…

We grieve things in life… but life itself here must also be grieved… When we finally grieve life, we can let go of many of our other grievances within this life…

We should try to live a life of service here… then enjoy an eternity of Celebration…

Even now I sit here and am thinking during this stressful week, wondering if my situation will end this Easter… thinking if it doesn’t, then I guess it must be important that I am going to college while under these conditions… I must continue to serve…

You would think realizing that I may have Dupuytren’s contracture would make me more depressed… but it is almost more mentally freeing in some ways… God is forcing me to finish the grieving process of life here, and to get through it while I am young as well… He is making me and others see that this life is meant to be a life of service… to also share this message… we are here for a purpose and to carry out a plan…

This universe is clearly not meant to be where society will forever live and thrive… it shows us the potential of life though, and it can show us the promise of the life in Heaven…

I think I will stop here for today although I feel I could probably go on…

 

(Disclaimer): I may not have Dupuytren’s Contracture and have just fallen down the googling your symptoms rabbit hole… Even my symptom (Small Bump in Palm) may be something that has always been there and I just finally noticed. Doesn’t help that I am a little bit of a hypochondriac. I still like what I wrote either way, helped inspire me…