A problem I have been suffering with a bit lately, is News withdrawal. Plus, my last college semester ended about a month ago, so I have been withdrawing a bit from not getting enough mental exercise it would seem, although I was definitely ready for a break. But, I digress, news has been the more major addiction…
I got really submersed in the news after my second stint in the mental hospital when I felt the people on the news were starting to talk to me, I felt it was really important to people that I should be giving my opinions and ideas about what was going on in the world. Not to mention it definitely gave me something to do, filled with purpose and excitement. Well, I started watching the news any time I wasn’t asleep, at work with my short schedule, or with some friends. I was easily watching anywhere from 8-16 hours of news a day, just soaking it all in.
That went on for a year or two anyways, and the world seemed to be in much better shape, in fact I was starting to almost get a little bored and also felt I needed a break. Which, not long after that, was when I made the bet and this whole thing switched to a whole new level. It was then, that the news was already starting to change a lot, it wasn’t just to feed me with information to make opinions, but was now used in ways to try and make me mad and want to kill myself, it was beginning to turn into fake news more and more…
At that time, I actually moved out of my house into a little house out of town with no cable for about a year, the bet was in full swing and my life was turning miserable, but I wasn’t watching the news at that point, then my place eventually got flooded and I moved home and started watching the news again, this time, me and the people on the news started developing The perfect Capitalism Manifesto… It defintely helped to channel my mind a bit off of what was happening to me at that time.
I kept watching the news all these years, for many reasons I won’t get into, but because at times it was used for good purposes and negative purposes, it turned more into a roller coaster ride, where I never knew what I was going to get on a given day, it may make me happy, or really pissed off. But, it became an addiction on a whole different level for that purpose, because I was bored at the same time, the roller coaster of emotions, kept me entertained in its own way, although I would have much rather just had it make me happy all the time for obvious reasons.
Which, brings me to my next point, that a person can even become addicted to feeling like shit… I plan to write an article about this in the future… but, to briefly explain, the roller coaster of feeling like sh*t causes a wave of emotions that are very addicting even if they make you miserable, I think it is namely because people don’t learn how to manage stress well or too much new stress comes into a person’s life at once and their mind doesn’t know how to handle it, and we start to use the mental shortcut of venting, rather than letting our brains figure out how to cope with stress, we take it upon ourselves to try and fix it consciously, by yelling or screaming, getting made, maybe hurting ourselves or others, because we get some immediate gratification from it, the problem is that our brain starts to think that is the proper way to deal with the stress, so anytime anything stressful happens, your mind thinks the best way to fix the problem, is to get you to yell or do whatever to get some stress release… So, a quote I like to use is, The more you yell, the more you will have to yell.
The more venting or yelling is your go to, you will just start yelling and venting about more and more things, and littler and littler things and you will become even more depressed and stressed. When even a little inconvenience happens you brain will do anything it’s power to make you yell to get that immediate release, your brain might start bring up all the old memories of things that made you mad, or remind you of all the reasons you should be mad. My point being, the way you trained your brain, it is not going to stop until it gets you to yell or use your venting habit. Which, the longer it goes on, the harder it is to climb your way back out, but it is possible, it takes quite some time though.
But, for me, the news also became one of those things, that when my brain wanted me to vent, it would convince me to watch the news to find something to get mad about and yell at. Your brain will know all of your go too’s that make you mad. Like, the news would be making me mad, but I couldn’t turn it off, or if I did, I would have to turn it back on shortly after to just sit there and let it make me mad, make me feel like sh*t, get my sh*t fix for the day. But, I am getting much better, and am now at a point where even most of my venting never leaves my mouth or anything like that, I vent internally, and am starting to not feel the desire to vent much at all these days.
Trying to just stop watching the news altogether anymore, and haven’t watched almost any the last 2 or 3 weeks, which is good, although, I think I am going through withdrawal a bit, because I no longer get those wave of emotions, whether good or bad…. think that is part of the reason I got really depressed a few days ago as well… one of the many reasons anyways…
But, I am proud to say, I am kicking my feeling like sh*t addiction, although it has taken years anyways, no thanks to my situation.
Some of you probably know exactly what I am talking about, or maybe this is all clicking with you right now… It may even be the reason a person picks a girlfriend or boyfriend that is bad for them… because they want the roller coaster of emotions, they want to feel like sh*t, their brain wants to yell and vent, it wants to be sad and disappointed… but that roller coaster is unhealthy and can’t be sustained very long, and the depression and stress just gets worse and worse…
That is what has been on my mind a bit today though, and I am sure there are many more conversations and articles about things like this to come.
theeclecticschizophrenic.com 