Going for the Gusto… But, who will my followers be?

I am still trying to figure out exactly what path I want to take with this blog… Do I just go all in and say it as I see it like fact… Or should I tip toe around everything and use phrases like I believe, or what I think… 

I have come too far mentally… told too many people too many thoughts and ideas, in which I got no response… to me, people’s silence is a good as a yes in many cases. Especially when you share some of these wild thoughts (Delusions?) with your family and psychiatrists and no one ever seems to have anything to say… In fact, my psychiatrist on multiple occasions has asked me if I knew what my last name meant… which when you look it up, it says He Who Rules…. The logic is all there as well…  

I am too deep into my beliefs to turn back now…  

I would die believing this is all real, even if the initiation/bet I felt I was in never ended… there is not a soul on this planet who could change my mind now… A person may be able to sort out some facts for me that I am still a bit fuzzy on… I don’t have all my conclusions locked up tight yet. But, you get my drift. 

I feel very confident in this endeavor, I think the schizophrenic angle is good, I am mentally prepared to embark on this road knowing that my beliefs may be challenged along the way… The way this may have to play out, is that I am the schizophrenic who is so far gone and sold on his delusions, that there is no going back and perhaps the best thing to do is just play along, he isn’t hurting anybody, fighting him on this may just make him miserable, not help him at all… 

I mean, how does this work out with a large audience? Perhaps, it will be considered the legendary psychedelic trip and I will have a cult like following… People loving that I just completely give into my delusions and walk around as king of the world in my head… Surrounded by my own secret service, wondering who everybody I meet is? Are they a foreign diplomat, a head of a big family? a president of a country? a king or queen? Are they a famous writer or a famous psychologist? I have been playing a lot of online chess lately… is this person some famous chess champion I am walking by? 

In my head, I probably live the most exciting life ever… 

It is a road I must embark down though… unless, I get disability, I will certainly need a job… and the idea of most jobs just makes me want to kill myself. Plus, in my head I think the whole world would prefer I work from home as well, where I will remain as safe as possible… 

The path has begun, I am back in school pursuing a degree in journalism, starting this blog and going for the gusto… I hope to be working from home with the title Journalist & Blogger… if I was really lucky, perhaps this could take off before I even have to get completely through school… would certainly love to save the money and I just really enjoy doing this… it really is the perfect job for me. But, I am not exactly sure on the rules of the bet/initiation, do I need the degree to technically be qualified for a job in journalism? I don’t know exactly how that works. I feel if it is going to work out, it will most likely have to grow in a somewhat organic fashion… 

All I know, is I am all in on this idea… I see me doing this for the foreseeable future… followers or not…  

You know in my head I already think everybody is reading. 

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