Deciphering my stress in possibly delusional ways… (not to me though)

Figured I would just do something short and fun today, I was a bit stressed this afternoon and had a minor brief setback, first time in a long time. Just a culmination of things this week, put me over the edge a bit. Especially, once I start thinking this or that is being done to make me mad, then every little minor inconvenience feels like it was bought and paid for. I certainly feel a lot of money has been spent recently by the enemy in the initiation/bet, plus some poor, possibly laced with evil decisions made by my side have got me flustered. 

To me, everything is pretty much planned anymore… I feel like I am just moving through a play as I have said before… So, when people start making me drive places I think that was either paid for or some sort of deal was made. Especially when on said drive, I run into various situations that seem not probable given how often I drive. Like, one of the only days that I have to drive, I have to pass 3 modular house type deals, which was a very sketchy situation. Whenever these modular’s come to one of the little cross over bridges on the highway, they have to move over and take over both sides of the highway. Meanwhile, everybody is just flying by, trying to pass, causing all these near accidents as we move from one overpass to the next. Then finally, I feel it might be safer to pass instead of sitting behind in case an accident happens. Now, I have to make sure I don’t pass, when we are crossing a little narrowed bridge. It is just really sketchy, and I just have a hard time believing it happened by chance. 

Then, later, a lady swerves a bit into my lane as I am passing her… Was not a fun trip. It even started a little weird when I first pulled on to the highway on my way there… right behind a log truck, which if you have ever seen final destination, you may understand why I may find that quite timed… 

But, I just have a hard time believing, people can just out right pay to put me in a dangerous situation. I tend to buy into an idea that deals, and stuff are made as well. Like, we will give you this much money to do this to him… then a deal is ironed out… But, deals like this one are very sketchy, it makes me feel like even my side has it in for me a bit. Whenever these types of situations use to happen, I use to feel like whoever was in charge of making the deals for me, had succumb to power or evil a bit and had gotten some delusional idea in their head, which they would then try and take certain opportunities to take me out. I think, being so close and involved in the king of the world scenario with trillions of dollars on the line or whatever, can really get inside people’s heads and do strange things to them.  

They just seem to be, very unacceptable situations… why would taking the money for putting me in a dangerous situation going 70 mph down the highway ever be a good idea? 

Perhaps, it is all just some random occurrence, I just don’t buy that. I think everything is very planned for the most part… even to think, security wise, we wouldn’t want assassins or something like would be killers to just being able to drive on nearby highways or whatever… There must be some kind of perimeter, with some kind of security… I have a hard time believing that there is just no plan at all… 

Plus, I think once a deal has been made it is in stone… so if someone has their evil/delusional moment and makes a deal that involves putting me in a dangerous situation… nobody can then stop it from happening…. 

Sometimes I feel like people try to apologize and warn me before things go down… but living through those scenarios is very upsetting… I especially use to have very negative reactions to them at times, so my brain is trained a bit to react in a certain way, so I have to fight some built up innate responses at the time. Which, of course, then when I do get mad or upset, all the frowning faces are all of a sudden happy, like they love that I am suffering… makes for some bad days…. 

It has just been a rough 4 days, I just felt like some really sketchy deals went down in recent time… I think the evil side got into the heads a bit of people on our side… at least that is what I tend to believe, like I said, I just don’t understand how that would seem a wise choice, no matter how much money. I am pretty sure it is one of the most important things on the planet right now, that I don’t die or kill myself.  

I was going to talk about Hootie & the blowfish today, but couldn’t stop myself from talking about my day a bit, I guess a little therapeutic… Or as people will probably have to say, very schizophrenic… 

Either way, I think it may be time to tell everyone, I should only drive around town anymore… Make it like a rule, play the schizophrenic card, and say that it really stresses me out, especially when my delusions and thinking get involved… I might make things out bigger than they appear… 

Either way, it has been a stressful week, so it isn’t like I’m not telling the truth either way… 

Ay ay ay… 

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