Well, it has been a pretty good week, think I definitely needed the break. I have ascertained through my schizophrenic methods that many would prefer I don’t continue my blog… I am a bit of a wild card when I am just writing out to the public like this. I think we have gotten to a pretty good place in the world right now and they would like to control my message a bit. They seem to say this is probably the biggest microphone in the world at the moment. So, I guess they may worry a bit about possible ramifications of billions of people hearing a message all at once, especially information on such an important thing going on right now. I am supposed to trust the system, that my message will be received. We have some unconventional ways of still getting out there what I have to say.
My main issue is, is that I feel I am a philosopher living in a technological world. My brain is wired in a way that it always tends to turn things into a big picture. I tend to just receive information, take concepts from it and retain information that is important to a broader concept. I have a lot of trouble doing technological things, I forget very fast and have trouble holding on to what I learned, I only take the concepts from it, or what it could be used for. For example, I think if I was to go to college for computer programming, by the time I got to a job I would have already forgotten how to do everything… I can’t retain things like that. The two math classes I had in college this last year, I got over a 100 in each class, but that is all long gone in my brain already. Going to school for a lot of things would be a complete waste of time and money.
So, I am good at coming up with big ideas and concepts and things like that though… but in this initiation bet, I can’t seem to make money using anything I am good at. At the same time, I can’t retain any of the skills that would provide me a job living in the middle somewhere… I am either on one end of the spectrum or the other… either some major world changing thing, or I have to be a machine operator or something like that, where I don’t have to apply much “skill”.
Which, those jobs in the more manual labor skill set make me want to kill myself and give me lots of anxiety for various reasons… so I am screwed a bit…
My happy median was going to be this blog and journalism… but I’m not sure it will work out. I don’t think it is a preferred job for me by interested parties.
Hopefully the disability works out… many signs seem to say it will and that things are coming together, but given some previous life experience, they may just be trying to get me excited, so it will hurt as much as possible when I get denied.
So, until I know I have disability for sure, I will still do this blog once a week I am thinking, to keep it going while I wait… I will attempt to share ideas while being as uncontroversial as possible hehe. I think I did a pretty good job of that for the first two months.
This remains my backup plan… Not many options for me, disability would certainly seem optimal…