The Pursuit of Happiness…

I am making a determined effort to pursue happiness… I will press on through all the negativity and attempts to get me to stop. Which they will come, I fall victim to my enemies’ efforts over and over again. They are indeed evil genius’s, such an oxymoron to be so evil, yet be so dumb as to choose an evil life. 

The hardest part of this will be getting past what I think my wives think… I am going to decide to believe that it is just evil portraying and using my wives against me… I say this because I am a very jealous man in a relationship, very protective, I come to see my love as a holy object… I don’t want a famous wife, I don’t want the woman that all the other men want, I would wish that almost no one ever saw their face, that nobody would even know who I am talking about… The purest woman in the world ya know… can’t live without… 

Now I very much believe that those type of things should go both ways in a relationship though… I would expect my wife to feel the same way about me. I would expect they would wish I wasn’t famous or that I could be hidden from the world, can’t live without, all the same things… And if a man would expect his wife to act in accordance, a woman should be able to expect her husband to act in accordance… 

I can easily believe that the lifestyle I live, would be a nightmare to a wife madly in love with me. This blog would be a nightmare, being on camera all the time would be a nightmare, sharing some idea that might attract other women or something would be a nightmare… 

All I have to hear is that my wife is really struggling, depressed, hurt, etc… And it makes me want to stop everything I might be doing that is hurting her. Which, I will often choose to follow the best course of action I can to make them happy again… In my head, besides this being over, given my current situation, the best thing I could be doing for my wives is just sitting watching movies all day with my lips zipped shut… 

But I need to believe that these are special circumstances and that my wives want me to be happy… that they are happy I am doing this blog… they would be happy if I hung out with a friend… that they want me to survive… they want me to have as many reasons to live right now and get through all of this… its ok that I am a social creature right now that needs to be involved with other people in some shape or form… 

I am going to choose to believe that any efforts to get me to stop, are just part of this bet and an effort to make me depressed… it will kill me sometimes, because they will make me think I am killing my wives and that will hurt me to my core… they will make me think that I am disappointing them. 

Looking back its hard to distinguish between when it was requests by my wives to do something or evil people on the other side of this bet using my wives voice to manipulate me into depressive situations… either way I am happy that I decided to listen and give my best effort to fulfill all of the requests… Because I proved my love in a way… it makes me more confident to make this choice to press through anything I hear in the future… it’s like, even if it was my wives all the time, that I have proven myself enough to now make this move… like it is now officially time… 

I was originally going to take this post in a little different direction… but alas this is what came out of me… My wives are my greatest inspiration, reason to live, and source of happiness…and at the same time when used against me properly, my greatest Achilles heel and source of pain…

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