Wearing out the switch in my brain…

A little look into some of my thoughts lately… I sometimes refer to these as my therapy sessions… some might think of it as posting a private journal entry… Maybe some of you are in similar situations… 

But, in the not so distant past, I started seeing my brain as having two different operation systems in a way… I have my problem solving/seeking mode, when I don’t just try to solve problems, but will also seek them out for something to do, which this can be at times full of anxiety and things like that, also happens when my brain administers its own dopamine drug… Then I have a more absorbing mode, when I just take in information, which I am much more generally relaxed when I am in that mode and can sit and watch movies and things like that… 

I started to feel they were very distinct from one another… as if there was a switch between them… I was either very much in one mode or the other. But I am starting to wonder if I am not gradually starting to achieve some balance between the two… 

Back in high school & college was very much more in absorbing mode, and lived in my own reality a bit, aware of the world a bit, but it was almost as if I didn’t believe anything in a way, I was detached from the real world… Then, when I hit a certain age, it was like everything I knew was starting to become real in my brain finally, I was awakened, and I very much felt that the world needed to change, and I felt I could have my part in it… I forever reason cannot help but be righteous and a bit of an activist in many regards. 

So, I felt like all of the world problems were my problems and set out on a mission to solve them… I thought I could figure out everything that needed to be figured out in order to achieve world peace and happiness… I embarked on the mission and would take on each new challenge as it was presented to me, solving and answering what problems were necessary to advance the cause… 

So, whether I did or not… In my head… I have had a big part in helping the world achieve world peace along with many innovative ideas across many different areas of life… I feel as though I have helped answer many of the riddles of life and have given the world a common goal to achieve… 

Being so naturally righteous and what some may call radical in ways… I needed to achieve world peace in my mind to finally be able to relax again… 

Which I have…  

Whether it is real or I beautiful minded it… I have found inner peace once again… at least I am very close… getting much more back to mindset during high school and college… In fact, I am starting to tell people I think I am wired for school actually… it is what helps me find comfort… If I could just make a living being a professional student! 

But, back to the mind switch… I am starting to realize that I don’t need to choose one side of the switch or the other… I think they are starting to naturally mesh into a comfortable arrangement… I think I have a way to go yet possibly with some swings from one side to the other… but there is a light at the end of the tunnel…

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