Well… I thought I would be able to keep up this blog during my last semester at community college, but it is all a bit too much I am finding out. My more severe schizophrenic symptoms are brought about from too much stress… when I get above a certain level of stress one of the main things I start to feel like, is that I am being attacked and that people are out to get me… really brings out all the negative feelings of feeling like you are in a bet to kill yourself… Bluntly I start to feel like I want to kill myself and that I am fighting for my life… which then I have to start trying to find some ways to shed the stress…
I stop seeing positive things and start seeing a lot of negative… my mind wanting me to yell and vent out my stress, may even start to pile on the negativity by taking things people say and jumbling them up to make me think people are saying something mean to me…may start hearing voices trying to make me upset…
It is just bad… like I was saying, the main thing that really happens is that I just really start to feel like wanting to kill myself and that I am fighting for my life…
Been like thinking I am not sure I want to finish out this semester… but figure I will try and just stop doing the blog for now and see if that brings me down to a more manageable level…
Still quite a bit of stress wondering if this disability is ever going to go through… I go back and forth a bit convincing myself if it will happen or that it won’t… stressful… I of course think about it more when I am depressed and stress, which then it compounds upon itself when I start to think about it and start feeling like I don’t have a chance to get it or something like that…
I apologize for taking a break… it is just in my best interests at this point… For anyone just finding the site, I hope you enjoy checking out some of my ideas!
Take care…
theeclecticschizophrenic.com 