Another trip around the sun…
And so begins my year of recovery… I’m not so sure that I have ever felt so right in my head in my life… All of my thoughts and beliefs seem so logically locked in… The other big factor was achieving World Peace in my head, which I have… It was a very high intense/high stress last 10 to 11 years, a journey that lead me down a path I would have never reasoned imaginable when I was younger…
I have actually come a long way mentally the last 3 to 5 years, my mind put me through its own extreme therapy to get me to this point… my mind broke me down to where I was scared to even think a single thought, and then I had to re-learn how to think positively again through a painstaking years long process… I personally think I have entered into more of a PTSD period right now, still a little bit of a fight left to go, one I think can be conquered through some positive thinking, meditating, breathing exercises, etc… as well as taking medications as prescribed… I have hopes that I can make a rather full recovery and regress back to more of my Highschool or College mindset, when I used to live rather care free in an ignorant bliss…
The plan is to take the year off and live off some savings, then go back to college next fall. Hopefully along the way I will be awarded a scholarship I plan to apply for that is made for schizophrenics trying to re-enter the workforce… I think I fit their mission statement rather well and might make for a good future spokesman if all works out well in the end 😊 But, this year off will be strongly focused on making a strong recovery from my mental problems and hopefully be in a good place to go back and be in a class room setting. I do have high hopes and can see my hard work paying off, I still have problems, but I am going in with the belief that they can be overcome…
One of the big things I started working on recently, is increasing my belief in God & Heaven… if you read one of my past articles, I actually think we may have evolved to not believe in God & Heaven when we are depressed as it increases our will to live in this universe… I am about 99% belief and 1% dis-belief at this point, the 1% is just a part of my mind that always asks me, but what if your wrong? Just enough to make me question God & Heaven and increase my will to live in this universe… But I want to be 100%… I think I would achieve a new level of happiness and spirituality if I did, would make life feel more real, I always feel partly as if there is a fog over my eyes… I have felt the fog lifted in the past and would like to experience it again, it was the best feeling in the world in a lot of ways…
I also want to lose my fear of a natural death… death here is not death… to die here, is just to be “teleported” back to heaven… I have been meditating a lot lately with this mantra, that this universe is a battle field, I was teleported here for battle at birth and will be teleported back to heaven at death… to die is just to get an honorable discharge for those with a moral soul… I don’t want to fear cancer, cancer is nothing but early release in many ways, could almost be looked at as something to be celebrated by those in the right mindset… I don’t want to fear going to the hospital and getting “bad news”… death should not be feared in such a way…
I have been starting to think of heaven as the best version of this universe in many ways… when we look at the potential of our universe and us as humans, that is what I think the home base of heaven might be like, very similar to this earth in many ways… we will experience life in many of the same ways… it helps to think of teleporting to a world and existence that feels very similar, death can much more be equated to falling asleep and waking up… makes it more believable and the transfer of souls less daunting and overwhelming…
I will probably touch on these topics more in the future and even how I even think suicide should still be looked at as a sin, that is something to be avoided at almost all costs, although I don’t think every suicide will be punished…
This new year is off to a good start though, hopefully I can keep building on all of my progress and make a full recovery in the near future… I have high hopes and am feeling pretty good for the most part… I think I am even in a good place mentally to take some bad news as well… expect the best and plan for the worst is a good expression…
On to the next trip around the sun!
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