Can’t get a fair deal in this World…

I feel like I can’t play a fair game of poker… whether for money or for free… 

I feel it has to do with multiple aspects of this initiation/bet I am in… 1, I can’t seem to do anything that might prove I am exceptionally smart… 2, I think it is also perceived as a way someone could gift me money in a way, if people I was playing were to lose pots on purpose to me… 

Either way, I think I am definitely screwed in regard to poker and that the odds will always be stacked against me, beyond that, losing will be programmed in… 

Like last night, I decided to try out a free site… I can’t help but feel that people are trying to communicate with me through the usernames and the hands I get. In my mind when I get a hand like Jack/2, I think it might mean something like Jack sh*t, as in I am screwed. I know I am bound to get that hand eventually statistically, but it gets put into interesting places when I am down different trains of thought. For instance, it was the last hand I got yesterday in a ring game and the first one I got when I got on this morning… I definitely feel it is just letting me know that I am screwed. 

I felt I kept getting signs there is no chance I will get to play a fair game yesterday, but I didn’t want to believe it… kept telling myself, these hands are all bound to happen eventually… then getting Jack/2 my firsthand today kind of sealed the deal… 

To even start going down that line of thinking that the game is fixed, just ruins it anyways… I just have to accept that I will never get a fair game while I am in my situation… 

Definitely a bit depressing as I love playing poker… but if I keep playing, there is literally no upside to it whatsoever… I just need to completely accept it as an unchangeable fact while I am in this situation… I have definitely come at it from many different angles to no avail… 

C’est la vie… 

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