Lowering the bar in my head…

I have been reluctant to take this Blog in a personal journey direction. I tend to feel it is something people don’t want to hear too much about. This was going to be my big idea blog for the most part, I had so many big ideas and thoughts in my head, I just didn’t realize they would run out. I feel like a lot of my best work is behind me now… I was setting the bar so high in my head that I didn’t want to dare post something that didn’t match my standards… Big Ideas or Bust… So, I ended up going long periods without posting anything. 

I threw my big ideas out there and got nothing back in return… at least not in this soap opera I live in and walk through every day. I was hoping there might be some loophole in the rules. I thought maybe this blog would go viral and send me on a wild journey. I thought maybe I may start selling some paintings or books or something… maybe get enough viewers to get some advertising or something. I was hoping perhaps some newspaper would hire me for syndication or something… something anyways… instead most days I don’t even get one view on this website. Part of me still holds out hope something may come of it someday, does not look likely. It certainly would be against my better judgment to get overly excited about this blog again. 

So, why not just share more of my personal journey and just enjoy writing and put some thoughts out there from time to time? I still do it for the audience in my head… the billions of people in my head that read this and follow my life… my Truman Show… I can still enjoy it from that angle. I still imagine what everybody thinks of what I write, and look for other feedback through my various means… I feel very connected to the World although I live in relative isolation… My life is still rather exciting in my head… I sometimes imagine how exciting but unexciting a movie about my life would be. I spend most of my time sitting in a chair and at home, I haven’t left my valley in at least a year… yet I think it would be such an exciting movie on a mental level, to see the world in my head coinciding with my mundane life… I feel like people are telling me at times that I can’t even imagine what is happening outside of the soap opera I live in… 

I think I am going to lower my mental bar for what I write about anymore… Stop worrying about losing one of my few followers because of what I write or don’t write… I hold on to my few followers like they are my last dollars… Just going to write… may even start doing just some short posts as well, just some short thoughts or updates. Just going to go with the flow and enjoy… let some thoughts fly.