The World of Chess inside my head…

The world of chess is interesting in my mind… part of the excitement of my mind, how I can create an exciting world in a more seemingly mundane situation… I have never studied chess, a very casual player, and have not played that often in relation to regular players. But in my head, I sometimes think I am a really good player, maybe even one of the best in the world. 

I just always felt like people were trying to tell me I am exceptionally good in the indirect fashion that I have grown accustom to, telling me I am playing better people than I think, or that the computer opponent I am facing is better than I think. I once even convinced myself that I beat the best players in the world. I think people have told me that I have kind of turned the chess world on its head. 

In a world with computers and modern technology… if this were all true, it could still be fairly easy to make me think I am not that good… that is just how good computers are at chess now… they can go beyond just a computer beating the world’s best, they can make levels and degrees in which the computer wins… I honestly could almost never know who or what I am playing… A 1200 ELO might be a grandmaster or a grandmaster level computer in my world… 

This could be true anyways… I do think I am a savant and that I see the world much differently than other people. Maybe the game does come rather easily to me… I have no idea. I just know what I think people have been trying to tell me. Which regardless of the truth, has made for an exciting chess world inside my head… every game often feels so big… I feel like people are very interested in watching my games… sometimes I win a game and when see people faces in public, they look so excited. 

Clearly in my situation, my intelligence is supposed to remain hidden from me… proof of God’s existence is sitting right there… So, if I was really good, they would try to keep it hidden from me as much as possible, and considering I have never studied chess or anything, they would try to keep it somewhat low… Heck, even if I studied every day, they probably still wouldn’t let me climb very high up the ladder. 

That’s a dive into my mind though… The chess world is very exciting in my mind, and I think I am a big player in the game… I lost to a 1291 ELO player on today, but I felt like they were telling me the person or computer I was playing was colossus. They say that most players that play on don’t win too high above half their games, so I am not sure how often I will play on there, unless of course I decide to get used to losing. I have a tough time losing too much though… just who I am. Maybe I will though, the daily games kind of take off some of the pressure in my opinion. Then when I just need some fun wins for a while, I can always go back to playing the computer levels I have grown accustomed to. Good to challenge yourself occasionally, though. 

Not trying to brag or anything, just giving you a look into my mind. That I have fun sharing my thoughts. My life can be pretty exciting at times for sure, whether real or imagined. One of the perks of my condition I suppose. I can create and jump into an exciting world if I want to, even if it doesn’t look that exciting from the outside. It honestly helps me survive and get through this life, helps keep me alive. I need fun and excitement in my life. 

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