I don’t really have many, if any people to send a Christmas Card to. So, I thought it would be fun to do one as a Blog post. Plus, I kind of let my thoughts fly on the blog, not sure I would do that sending it to family & friends. Will make a blog post to the world, including family and friends, but won’t do a traditional Christmas card in that fashion… Perhaps I am worried about the response I might get or something. I think one of these days soon though I may show my logic on why God exists to a friend and see if they are allowed to deny it or see what happens… then ask a question like, would the person that Proves God exists win a Nobel Prize or some kind of award or something? Perhaps get at least one comment about it from someone? Then conclude the conversation with… so can one other person on this planet acknowledge that I am screwed then? It would be interesting to find out where that conversation would go… perhaps in the very near future… If people just play it off like it is common knowledge or something, I might ask why we aren’t teaching it in school or why I haven’t heard of it before?… would think it would be a major part of every religion that preaches God’s existence… Rather than saying, believe in God, they could say it is a logical fact that God exists…
Anyways… So, these cards will normally talk about what the person has been up to this year correct?
I started back to school this fall after a little hiatus after seeing if some other things might work out. School has been going well and I have been enjoying classes for the most part. Was a little fried by the end of the semester, so winter break is going to be nice. I really like being in sociology, as it really clicks with the way my brain works a lot. I like to consider it a modern-day philosophy in a way or an amalgamation of many of the liberal arts fields. My mental health has been making a lot of improvements. While I still very much feel like a mental health patient, and truly feel the schizophrenia (and autism I believe), I am much less depressed and my overall thinking is much better. I don’t have many depressive thoughts and enjoy life for the most part currently. I still have some days here and there and occasionally a week, but I do feel like my old self in some ways, which is nice.
I got back into Everquest 2 recently, which has been nice. Helps keep me busy, I like having my little avatar in an alternate universe. It can really feel like a home away from home at times. I tend to really immerse myself in the game and play it a bit like the sims. My game life can be much more exciting than my real life at times and with much more to do. Plus, something like working in the game, feels completely different than work in real life. I am not sure how to explain it, real life work tends to really stress me out and isn’t good, but working in the game feels like the right amount of work and helps me feel good and somewhat productive. I feel like I put in a good day’s work in the game sometimes if that makes sense, and without compromising my mental health which is very nice. So, getting back into eq2 has been good.
I still have the news on all day for the most part, I try to watch all the different networks. Can feel like changing channels between worlds sometimes, that’s for sure. Hard to believe everyone is living on the same planet. I honestly still don’t really believe a lot of what I see in the news, still think it is like an elaborate soap opera in a lot of ways. That is generally how I watch it, like a soap opera, although it can be hard to not get sucked in a little sometimes. I do think sometimes we tackle important issues along the way though, even if it is made up for the most part. Not even sure what I still think about this whole Covid-19 thing. Don’t get me wrong, I still treat it like its real and wear my mask and everything, will get the vaccine when it becomes available. I still comment on events and things to my friend like it’s all real. But I can’t at times wonder if it isn’t all still some elaborate hoax for a viewing audience of one. Just some things really make me wonder. It’s interesting in my head, feeling like I am living in an interactive soap opera for the most part. Everyone in the world acting, from my family and friends to my fellow citizens I see on TV.
I just can’t believe it is all real… to go back to the first paragraph, I know I proved God’s existence… I literally haven’t heard one comment about it since, in my mind that would be world altering information. So, those two things can’t coexist in my mind that way. I can’t have done something world altering and then not seen the world altered in any way at all, not even my immediate world. In my head it all has to be this interactive soap opera I am in. My thoughts haven’t changed much at all in that regard… still think I am on camera 24/7, still think everything is wiretapped or bugged, think all my school work is shared, still think I am interacting with people I see on the news and other live television, etc… think I am known by the whole world and am just still in this initiation/bet or whatever… living in my interactive soap opera where most everything is staged… I am just waking up and walking through a play every day… Am I crazy to think that it is weird that no one has shared this blog or my books or anything? Based on everything I have ever seen; many would have eaten all this up for sure… but instead it is crickets…
Tis a wild life for sure… still trying to strive though…
One last thing… I did a degree plan for school in which I talked about my goals and such and what I wanted to do with my degree, etc… one of the things I talked about was using my degree to have a successful blog, write articles, opinion pieces, books, etc… So, my mentor has put into my degree plan writing for new media, another similar class, and blogging… I found this interesting and somewhat hopeful… I sometimes tend to believe some of the rules of my situation are that I can only really do things that I achieved the “right way” or you might call it the “hard way”… to say that if I was going to be good at business, I would have to graduate with a business degree… The world would never be able to admit that I am smart or gifted… I wonder if I have to always follow certain channels that many have to do… all part of my crazy agreed upon upbringing in my insane situation… So, I am kind of hoping if I graduate and take these classes, if I follow what they say to the T in a way, if I may be able to succeed in those areas… Perhaps I can have a successful sociology blog if I graduate with a degree in sociology and take blogging classes? Maybe anyways… A little bit of hope… There may be other rules about not being popular and things like that, I don’t know… It is all so insane…
That’s where I am at these days anyways. A key takeaway is that I am rather happy these days, so that is good. Sorry if you are not happy right now and hope you are soon. Didn’t want to rub it anyone’s face right now or anything, especially with people “losing their jobs” and all the other “covid-19” related issues… among all other life struggles… but I was very depressed for many years, so that is big for me… Plus with my condition, there really isn’t any in-between… I am either like the happiest person on the planet or one of the most depressed people on the planet…
Anyways, Guess I will end it here…
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!
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