My definition of morals is, entering a dimension with the notion that I don’t want to hurt anybody, whether physically, emotionally, financially, or what have you. We as a society, naturally try to find these moral boundaries and set our laws by them. We hope that our laws reflect morals and that morals reflect our laws. 

But, in different dimensions, there can be completely different parameters… For instance, when you go to sleep at night, if while dreaming, you were to steal a car and go on a wild police chase and have an exciting adventure, the police in the real world won’t be by the bedside waiting to pick you up in the morning, because within the dream dimension is all an illusion, nothing is real, nobody to hurt. So, in your dreams there is a different set of morals, although dreaming you are a serial killer may mean you have some stuff to work on mentally. 

Where I am going with this is that in heaven, I think there will be a place I like to call The Zone, it is essentially equivalent in a way to our dream world here. There would be heaven, then there would be the zone where you could live out all of your fantasies and many more you haven’t even began to dream up. I think you will be able to live out all your favorite shows and movies, star trek, star wars, lord of the rings, gone in sixty seconds, marvel movies, sons of anarchy… whatever.  

I believe you will be able to immerse yourself as much as and for as long as you want. If you want to go into the zone and be superman for a few years, you can. Do you want to just look and act like superman, or do you actually want to believe you are him? It could be as real as we are awake right now… But it is an eternity of doing everything and people coming up with all sorts of new things for you to try… 

It could be so intense you would probably have to build yourself up to certain levels of submersion, imagine actually being in the lord of the rings fighting orcs, that would be nuts. You can be the richest person in the world, best athlete of all time, you can build your own universe, whatever. You can go in with multiple people…  

But, when you hear someone say something like hell will be so much more fun… it’s like, your thinking of the wrong place, the key is to get into heaven! There is beer in heaven, the best beer you ever had, with no hangovers haha. 

This blog went in a different direction than I had planned… I was going to just talk about morals and then got going on The Zone, where I think you can live out all sorts of fantasies… 

But, I don’t think it is wrong to fantasize about stealing cars or being the world’s best criminal and things like that, because I think those are things we will most likely be having fun doing in The Zone in heaven, it is a matter of holding off now while we are still under the specific parameters of this dimensions morals. 

Although, I still don’t think it is good to fantasize about torturing people, brutal murders, serial killers, etc… the real dark stuff, you should probably talk with a therapist and psychiatrist about that. That is something I am not even sure God will ever allow, because I’m not sure he wants people having like that dark of thoughts and then coming back to hang out in heaven. I assume he will get your mind all sorted out in heaven anyways, probably a little snap of the finger and those bad thoughts will be gone. 

Something I think about very often though, I am not in a hurry to live out almost any fantasies here on earth anymore… I’d be fine never traveling out of town or jumping out a plane… or many other things. I just want this bet to be over with and to hang out with my wives and friends! Play some games and things like that. But, there is so much I am just completely content avoiding until I get to heaven. Nothing here even compares anyways.  Love is probably the closest thing to heaven we get I would have to imagine. 

Just have to make sure you get there is all! 

I also think time can be manipulated within the zone as well… you could leave heaven and enter the zone… But I think you could be in the zone 20 years or however long and it would be like only a second went by in heaven… So, to family and friends, you would have been gone a split second, but you just embarked on some epic journey! Can be key for keeping relationships in working order… 

A lot of my thinking is cross dimensionally (universally… whatever you may call it), between here and heaven. I always think, if God is the Perfect Person, what would he do ya know? How would he have it all set up.  

I could go on and on… 

Have a good Father’s Day! 

Finally getting back to addressing freedom of will after a few days. Got caught up in some other thoughts, but here we go… 

If I contend that this universe is a trap, a perfectly executed plan to entrap the devil. Do I believe in freedom of will? Because, if everything is essentially pre-determined in a way, are we actually experiencing it? Or are we purely a product of our environment? I wonder if it can be both in a way… 

I think that God understands humans and this universe so well, that he could devise a plan, that would almost appear predetermined, but there was the undetermined variable, the devil… so I don’t think we are moving about a fixed predetermined universe, rather it is just planned that well, down to the birds and bees and everything. For all we know, we could be exceptionally easy for God to understand, perhaps even ants to ourselves in our heavenly mind and bodies. 

But, I wonder if we can experience freedom of will on an individual level, but that God can even understand what we are going to think, even given that situation. Saying, that we have moments of freedom of will, but God knows what we are going to think. Bur, that may be paradoxically wrong, we may only get close to achieving true freedom of will here and there but are still limited by this universe and our environment. 

It definitely hurts the brain, thinking that everything is planned, and you are essentially moving about a predetermined universe and timetable, that the bug you swatted away from your face today was meant to happen precisely as planned. Perhaps that bug inspired you to buy bug spray, which you went to the store and opened a door for the guy behind you, it cheered that person up, they decided to buy their spouse flowers, their spouse was so… etc…  That it is all essentially one big planned butterfly effect from beginning to end.  

It can make you feel out of control, but you realize that you still have to walk the path, that it may be best to just put it in the back of your mind…. There is nothing you can do about it, whether it drives you nuts or not is even meant to happen right? 

As Janelle Monae says in one of her songs, “I heard this life is just a play with no rehearsal.” Which, is hard to disagree with given my belief system. Can we experience planned freedom of will? That our thoughts can be our own? or is that paradoxically wrong. 

I would argue, even if everything is in its own way predetermined, our inventions and ideas to an extent may still be that of our own. Because God was thinking what we would be thinking about when he made the plan, so it’s like we could have invented something before we were even created. Our ideas preceded us in existence in a way. 

Interesting to think about anyways… 

I never gave much thought to the expression, fake it until you make it, until I started this Journalism & Blog career. Heard it said a time or two, without much understanding. But, it took on a new meaning recently, because I feel I am faking it until I make it a bit. I decided I would write this blog, like I already have thousands of followers, not holding much back at all, doing what I want to be doing in the future. If I had no followers or a few followers, I would present this blog as it would be seen under a much larger audience. Then when people join in, whether early in the process or later, they would see the same structure. I wouldn’t hold off bigger ideas I had until I had more followers or anything like that. I feel that is a version of faking it until you make it though, because you are acting like you have thousands of followers when you don’t, until you do.  

To put a twist on the field of dreams… If you write it, they will come. 

There a big difference with me though, is that I already feel I have an audience that is “hidden” from me, while my site stats only show maybe a few visits a day, I feel I am getting millions. To me, it is un logical how things progress for me. Some of my ideas, I think are groundbreaking, and that news should travel much faster. For example, my article titled “A case for God”, and a recent blog about my theory of why bad things happen to good people… I think they would spread like wildfire across the internet, that within a week I would have thousands of followers. Even in those two examples, it just doesn’t make sense to me why things progress so slow. Which if you follow my blog, you know my explanation is that I am in an initiation/bet to be head of many families and groups.  So, there is a huge difference between what I see and what I perceive in my mind and that can be extremely frustrating, especially when you are relying on this to work out for some sense of happiness. 

I came to talk about this today, because this morning I had like a little melt down, and had a huge rush of self-doubt, like it had been being held back by my mind for a while, then it came crashing down on me. I just really struggle with most kinds of work anymore, I only work 2 ½ hours a day right now at a machine shop, and that is overwhelming, having a lot of anxiety there. It is sad, because I really do have a dream job in a way that many people would like to have it, but, even that is too much. I used to gladly work 8 hours a day, plus plenty of overtime, with a smile on my face. I swear to God, there was a time, when I use to love going to work on Mondays, I was that guy. My psychological conditions just progressed and have taken that away from me. 

I am really relying on either disability, or my journalism/blogging career to take off. I would love to be out of physical work as soon as possible. I do really well with mental tasks like writing and coming up with ideas, and I am an excellent student. Even if I did get disability, I would definitely keep doing this, and would probably even still take a class or two at the college every semester, it is like medicine for my brain. A full schedule can be a bit exhausting… But, this is like my very important back up plan, it’s like, if I don’t get disability and this doesn’t work out, I feel I am screwed. I am just grin and bearing it through work every day. This would be the dream job, whether I was getting paid, or whether I was on disability still doing it, even though “not many” people were following. 

But, back to today, a lot of self-doubt. Had racing thoughts, thinking this is going to be just another failed effort on my part. Worried about keeping the few followers I currently have, whether I am posting too much, or people don’t like it. Am I letting myself get too excited to have it all crashing down on me? Worried… I am I ever going to gain followers? Is this even a possibility given the situation (initiation/bet) I am in? Thinking, there is no way this is going to work out… 

But, then I thought, stick to the plan, I got three or four years of school left. I’m half way though my two-year plan of being able to go to school full time without having to work. Then I will have two or three years of just school, which should be enjoyable. Then hopefully, I can land a journalism job after college, writing from home. Perhaps, if I keep plugging away at this, doing some advertising here and there, I will gain a decent audience by the time I graduate college, maybe followers will come and go, but if I keep doing what I am doing, they will come. 

The best-case scenario’s in my mind are that I either get disability, which pretty much everyone I know thinks I should be on, including psychiatrists and doctors, or this journalism and blogging takes off within the next year or so. Would be nice if I didn’t have to take out some huge student loans getting a bachelor’s degree. Getting my associates puts me in a nice place financially, I honestly don’t need to make a super lot of money doing this, to put me in a good situation. Getting more student loans of course means I will have to make more money. Also, worth noting, I am waiting for my disability hearing, although I don’t hold out much hope for that.  

I am really riding on this…. but I realize if it is going to happen it is going to be more gradual than initially thought, I was hoping for the overnight success type deal. Which, that is a bit of a let-down in it of itself, but I just have to keep writing… let the cards fall where they may. 

 

Thank you to those who decided to join in on the journey so far… It is greatly appreciated! 

I was going to do a follow up post, to my post yesterday about free will and humanistic thinking, but I ended up having a bit of a rough day and decided to change course, and will get back to that in the near future… This blog is about sharing ideas, but also a bit of a journal of my daily life, which I am especially drawn to write about my days when they are particularly frustrating, a little bit of therapy for me.  

I say my mind is on a mission because it is, and it is out of my own hands anymore in a large part. My mind has the goal to turn me into a stress free, dare I say Zen master. I don’t want to complain too much, because I should be feeling pretty good at the end of the road, except for it has been a very long process and can be a bit overbearing at times.  I thought it would be a much shorter road, but it has turned into long process spanning over quite a few years, and who knows how many more. I definitely believe in the plasticity of the brain, like I said, just takes longer than I planned, when I first started out, I thought, I am going to be in tip top shape in 6 months. I was in for a rude awakening… 

Today was the culmination of a build-up of anxiety and stress… cutting off from the news, putting myself out there with this new endeavor, starting to reach out and make new friends, work has been a little slow for me in my department, which can stress me out because I think I am going to get in trouble or something, also when I share ideas or put myself out there I am constantly expecting to get a negative reaction, not to mention some issues with negative faces lately…  

But, my issue today was a problem I suffer with pretty often, but am getting better at managing my emotions, it’s the conflict of the reality that is in my head and then what is presented to me in my current situation. Now, for years, there has seemed a conscious effort by my allies to get me to drive less and less, I think they wish I would just stay home and never leave, they are not a fan of me driving, especially outside of town… in fact that is why I think certain jobs at the shop really slowed down, because they didn’t want to produce the scrap metal that I would have to take back to the junkyard about 20 mins away. It is worth noting, when I use to go fishing all the time, they let me do it for a while because I was pretty stressed and depressed, but then my little brother took the truck one day and the back axle or whatever came off the truck, really messed it up… But, I don’t think they wanted me going on my fishing trips anymore. 

So, I have tried to cut back on driving as much as possible to appease people, I don’t ask to deliver parts, I try not to leave town, I tell my friends anymore that I don’t leave the valley, I’ll hang out any time, but it has to be in the valley. I honestly don’t even like driving far or even riding far with anybody else anymore. Which, I have told my parents in a letter. 

But, the problem is I do all of that, and it makes me feel good as well that nobody wants me to drive and get hurt… So, then if I get talking about something with my dad at work about needing to pick something up in Syracuse and he says something like, we will have to go get those… or makes mention of having to drive out of town somewhere, it really screws me up because it runs so counter to what I feel I am being told, it actually frustrates me and makes me mad a bit… happened the other day when my dad asked to me to go to somewhere else as well… I personally think it is part of the initiation/bet and perhaps it is even something that can be paid to have me asked, because it is something that frustrates me, also tries to make me feel that I am not that important, not to mention if gives the enemy the chance I will die, then only God knows what will happen. Probably, also a little that it is i the job description a bit, so he may have to ask me for that reason as well. 

I think it affected me more today, because it was a culmination of stress and anxiety over the last couple of weeks, finally came to a head. Which, would make me get mad, stressed, want to vent, suicidal thoughts, etc… Instead my brain tried to make me feel like it was going to knock me out, I even heated up a bit and was worried I might have a heat stroke or something… My point being, my mind will take extreme measures that are out of my hand, to make me avoid thinking negative thoughts and wanting to kill myself. Especially when I am going to erupt it can be particularly aggressive like today. I was ready to leave work and just come home and lay down. You probably could write it off as a panic attack, but for me, what is really happening is that forced mindfulness, making me stop thinking negatively and start worrying about not passing out or what have you. Which, I did feel better by the time I left work. 

To boot, right after my little panic attack, I got on facebook and the first thing that pops up is a big red truck, which to me, the red means no… meaning, don’t even think of leaving town in the truck to get barrels or for whatever reason.  

But, then it is like… how am I supposed to tell my Boss (dad) that I can’t do something work related anymore? I will have to write my parents another letter explaining to them that I wouldn’t like to leave the valley anymore and that I hope it doesn’t affect work, I just need this job for a little over a year more and then I should be able to go to school full time hopefully. It is weird, because I still worry about losing my job or disappointing my dad, even though I am sure if I wasn’t in the initiation/bet, he would just let me stay home and give me money. I get lost in the playing along, it all affects me probably more than it should. It can be so remarkably hard for me to do something like tell my parents I don’t want to leave town anymore, because they have to act like this all isn’t real ya know? I never know exactly what the ramifications of my actions are going to be in accordance with the initiation/bet. 

Anyways, it was a rough morning at work and I felt like talking about it, I think I am definitely in need of some meditation and breathing today, not that I don’t try and do it a few times every day. Hopefully this little incident got some of that built up stress and anxiety out of my system. 

Looks like I will be writing a letter to my parents this weekend about how I don’t want to drive or ride out of the valley anymore…  I feel better writing, I even write my thoughts to my psychiatrist instead of telling her in person.  

This next blog is one that was inspired by an essay prompt during college last semester. A lot of this could be found in my initial response to that…

There are some people that believe all we are is essentially operant conditioning, that we are complete products of our environment, that in a way, we aren’t really making these decisions… I believe this would be in the realm of a behaviorist ideology.

Then on the opposite end of the spectrum you have the humanist ideology, the freedom of will, chasing down notions like self-actualization and creating our thought and ideas…

I think that there is both, you could think of it on a spectrum with operant conditioning/behaviorist on one side and humanist on the other…. and I think that we aren’t fixed on the spectrum, but rather throughout our lives we move from side to side.

I would definitely agree that our childhood is in a large part operant conditioning, that we are primarily driven by avoiding punishment or seeking rewards and praise. Then I think we start to move towards the other side as we get older, with a mixing of both theories. Which, I am not sure if we can ever achieve a complete humanistic thinking in this world, perhaps moments of it, if we are also living mindfully in the present tense.

This brings me to the moral sphere… this is when a person has learned the morals and ethics deemed by a society and starts living within them and following the laws. By doing so, when it becomes a natural habit to avoid punishment, it should naturally free your mind to focus on what you want. I think this could certainly help attain formal operations and abstract thought. The more it becomes habit though, the better, the more you can press the fear of punishment and avoiding it to the back of your mind. You come to just act morally without even thinking about it, without fear of God or the law here on earth.

Which of course, hopefully morals reflect laws, and laws reflect morals, otherwise it can lead to bigger things like civil unrest and all sorts of things of that matter…

But, I think those that live outside the moral sphere, are more primarily concerned with avoiding punishment still. They have yet to free their minds from that cage.

Which, I think, even those that achieve a more humanistic thinking process, will still move back and forth along the spectrum. For instance, perhaps by the end of college you have achieved a certain level of it, you know the rules, you follow them, it becomes habit, you become more focused on your studies or whatever interests you, with more of your brain being used towards those efforts. But, you leave school and you get a job…

Now, this job and work environment has its own laws and rules for you to follow, and you have to figure them out, you again start slipping back towards operant conditioning a bit as you learn your role and what is expected of you. Worried that your boss may get mad at you or your coworkers, at the same time trying to impress them and make new friends… you have to become established again and get into a habit where you feel secure to truly begin to free your mind.

That is an example though, how we move about the spectrum…

My main point being, is that you want to make being a moral and lawful person a habit, where you have removed yourself more from operant conditioning. Freeing your mind to pursue your goals and achieve things like formal operations and self-actualization.

It plays into a bit, of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs… he says for instance, safety is one of the most important things to even begin self-actualization… if you live in an unsafe environment and are worried about getting shot or staying safe for whatever reason, it can be really hard to think about other things pursue other interests.

Perhaps, this would just fit in somewhere on that hierarchy… after the basic human needs of course…

But, being moral and lawful should definitely be on their somewhere…

Something to think about anyways!

To begin, this is coming from someone who spent day after day wishing that a meteor would hit this planet and wipe everyone out… 

I was extremely mad that I was in this initiation/bet, I couldn’t believe that people were doing this to me. I was mad at the people on the evil side for doing this to me, mad at my own side for putting me in this situation, and mad that it seemed no one was doing anything to get me out of it. 

I hated the world and everyone in it… even people not directly involved, I felt no one was immune to whispering mean or confusing things to me when I walked past. When I went anywhere, people were always saying things, even you reading this would have had to do it… So, my anger was directed towards everyone. 

I call it extreme bullying, and many people who have been bullied can most likely relate… which is also why I am extremely against bullying… driving people to the point of suicide or revengeful thoughts is a horrible thing to experience. So, I am directing this to them and everyone else that may take something away from it. 

Now, what I am going to say takes patience, you have to be a very patient person… and I am not even going to say that people don’t deserve a little taste of hell.  

What I am going to say is let God take care of it… because God Gets Even… I even have the mantra tattooed on my leg under a picture of a monk meditating. A big part of going through pain, is not wanting someone to get away with it, thinking that this person or those people may go their whole lives without getting the karma owed to them. 

But, you have to start thinking and believing that everything will be all square and even in heaven, and God will know the exact punishment he wants to give the person, the appropriate punishment… That in this life or the next that karma will catch up to that person, guaranteed.  

All my anger I channeled towards this mantra, imagining what God is going to do to them when they leave this earth, knowing that he had my back. At times I would almost start to feel bad for people, that they had so much hell coming, you know? But, I decided I was just going to stick to that basic principle.  

It is the first step, when you are seriously depressed and angry because of what other people have done to you… knowing that you can let it go, because it is all going to be taken care of, no one is getting away with anything, God just can’t handle it directly at this point, you have to be patient. 

The next phase is forgiveness, and I don’t even say to forgive people because they deserve it, but because you deserve to be released from the hate and the pain it is causing… “holding in hate, is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies” – Not sure where the quote comes from, but I am a big fan. Being mad at people, is only going to continue to make you miserable. It took me a long time to let go and forgive… part of my thinking was, these people don’t deserve to see me happy, they need to know I hate them, I felt like my hate was punishing them… But you have to learn to let it go. 

Another little trick I call, The Stockholm syndrome method… it’s believing and even telling other people that you have Stockholm syndrome… it is when you are in a bad situation, but in order to find happiness in the situation, you have like these delusional thoughts… so named after a bank heist in some country when the hostages began siding with the people that made them hostages, even defending them to the police after… Can happen when a kidnapped victim may learn to love someone that kidnapped them because their mind is trying anything it can do to be happy. 

But, I would tell myself and other people, I hate you all, but I am going to learn to love you, so that I can be happy… but it is a little mental trick that will satisfy your mind, it will allow you to start to let go and learn to love again. 

I was in a deep dark place… and it is a miracle I pulled myself out of it. These were a few of the methods that helped me climb out of hell… God Gets Even, Forgiveness, and Stockholm syndrome.  

I mean, I am a pretty dang happy person considering my situation. Which, it seems to be getting better… 

I am still trying to figure out exactly what path I want to take with this blog… Do I just go all in and say it as I see it like fact… Or should I tip toe around everything and use phrases like I believe, or what I think… 

I have come too far mentally… told too many people too many thoughts and ideas, in which I got no response… to me, people’s silence is a good as a yes in many cases. Especially when you share some of these wild thoughts (Delusions?) with your family and psychiatrists and no one ever seems to have anything to say… In fact, my psychiatrist on multiple occasions has asked me if I knew what my last name meant… which when you look it up, it says He Who Rules…. The logic is all there as well…  

I am too deep into my beliefs to turn back now…  

I would die believing this is all real, even if the initiation/bet I felt I was in never ended… there is not a soul on this planet who could change my mind now… A person may be able to sort out some facts for me that I am still a bit fuzzy on… I don’t have all my conclusions locked up tight yet. But, you get my drift. 

I feel very confident in this endeavor, I think the schizophrenic angle is good, I am mentally prepared to embark on this road knowing that my beliefs may be challenged along the way… The way this may have to play out, is that I am the schizophrenic who is so far gone and sold on his delusions, that there is no going back and perhaps the best thing to do is just play along, he isn’t hurting anybody, fighting him on this may just make him miserable, not help him at all… 

I mean, how does this work out with a large audience? Perhaps, it will be considered the legendary psychedelic trip and I will have a cult like following… People loving that I just completely give into my delusions and walk around as king of the world in my head… Surrounded by my own secret service, wondering who everybody I meet is? Are they a foreign diplomat, a head of a big family? a president of a country? a king or queen? Are they a famous writer or a famous psychologist? I have been playing a lot of online chess lately… is this person some famous chess champion I am walking by? 

In my head, I probably live the most exciting life ever… 

It is a road I must embark down though… unless, I get disability, I will certainly need a job… and the idea of most jobs just makes me want to kill myself. Plus, in my head I think the whole world would prefer I work from home as well, where I will remain as safe as possible… 

The path has begun, I am back in school pursuing a degree in journalism, starting this blog and going for the gusto… I hope to be working from home with the title Journalist & Blogger… if I was really lucky, perhaps this could take off before I even have to get completely through school… would certainly love to save the money and I just really enjoy doing this… it really is the perfect job for me. But, I am not exactly sure on the rules of the bet/initiation, do I need the degree to technically be qualified for a job in journalism? I don’t know exactly how that works. I feel if it is going to work out, it will most likely have to grow in a somewhat organic fashion… 

All I know, is I am all in on this idea… I see me doing this for the foreseeable future… followers or not…  

You know in my head I already think everybody is reading. 

I wanted to share a bit about my religious beliefs… I am a very religious person, but also, am very much a fan of logic and science.

If you go to my article section and read a case for God, it makes my logical argument that God exists, but the question is, what do you do with information?

For all points and purposes, my logical theory is from the perspective that… There is a God, and God is Good.

It is the God is Good principle… and that is where I have drawn my logic from… One of the biggest questions everyone always asked, and is always an argument against god is… If there is a God or If God is Good, why do bad things happen to good people?… Well, I pondered that question good and long and this is what I came up with…

I think this dimension, or section of the base state of existence (see article)… Is a Trap, I believe that it is a trap for the Devil…

I hypothesis that when God decided he wanted to create a society, he envisioned a particular plan where there was a Super Man that would watch over and rule the population, keeping everything in order… A superman with super powers, far exceeding what everyone would be capable of doing… There is a particular power I think he created for the devil considering he was to give people free will… Because you could have free will, you would most likely be capable of good and evil… I think as a person became more evil, the devil has the power to control their thoughts a bit, to get them back on track, but could only control people if they had fallen into a bad way, unable to change a well minded individuals freedom of will… This could eliminate all need for physical altercations and threatening people I would presume…

Now, I think he created this superman (devil), and the devil went nuts, maybe he went on a power trip, perhaps he didn’t like that everyone was going to be having fun and he was going to have to work for eternity, I don’t know, maybe he got miss wired… but he went nuts and possibly took a vendetta in one way or another against God… which God couldn’t just have the now Evil Superman just running around heaven…

So, he had to make a trap to catch him… which brings us to our dimension…

Now this dimension or section of a dimension… I should say universe I suppose…is clearly not optimal for sustaining life… To begin with we all die, not to mention all the different ways we can die, but ultimately it is even natural to die here. I actually think this universe is a sewer compared to heaven, full of pain and disease, although we get some glimpses of happiness… We mainly find happiness because we were born here and learned to adapt and live within this environment and overcome, we can even delusion ourselves in to believe that the universe is a beautiful place while people are starving and dying of flesh eating diseases everyday… We innately seek happiness and try to make the best of our situation… My point being though, that this place sucks and that I don’t think it was created to host a society…

I believe this universe was created for a specific purpose and with a specific plan… which I think a trap is the only logical reason that is in keeping with answering the question, if God is Good, why do bad things happen to good people? There should be a good answer to why children get cancer or why loving and caring people die horrible deaths or endure pain and suffering, kids starving in Africa, the holocaust, etc, etc… you could probably sit there and name horrible tragedies one after another for your entire life because they are happening every day, perhaps even every minute…

But, the trap for an evil superman fits the question very nicely…

I think the extreme length of time it took for the universe to be created and the human race to come into existence was a plan… I think it was to play into the devil’s boredom, with nothing else to do, he would gradually come to be obsessed with this place, wanting to control it or do whatever he wishes. I think we endure pain to show that God has no power here, that the devil has some control. I think the devil has tested that power many times, for example if you believe that Jesus is the Son of God, he suffers this horrible death all while God has no power to save him, I think in large part it was to show and convince the devil that God has almost no power here… I think God created a place that he has virtually no to limited power….

I think God, wanted us aloof to the plan and set it all up in a way that the we were bait for the devil in a way, that the devil could fill us with different ideas and try to rule over us and etc etc… He wanted it to be a mystery whether God existed, had to let people to turn evil, many different factors to get the devil into the right state of mind to be trapped….

You see, I think people actually can be possessed, that using that power discussed earlier, as people become more evil, and the eviler they are, the more power the devil can potentially exert over them… Which is why I say part of this initiation I was in was a cult like ritual… I think some of these organizations have been gladly turning people evil to sacrifice them to the devil in a way to be led by him…

I think the ultimate goal was to put the devil in the state of mind, that he would fully take over someone’s mind and manifest himself here, which he would then trap himself here and then be in the life and death system like all of the rest of us.

He would be officially caught and subject to God’s judgement after dying here…

This logically answers the question, if God is Good, why do bad things happen to good people… to me, I can’t find any other logical reason why we are in this hell hole, that still uses the principle that God is Good. Because if he is good, he would have to have a darn good reason, for all this madness, pain, and a place where evil has a chance to flourish.

I am telling you, the more you think about it, the more it all clicks, it answers everything. This is of course if you believe that there is a God and that God is good. Which I think in my article, A case for God, I have proven that God exists… so it would be a question of whether you think good is good or not, or if you think God isn’t good and we are just in some fish bowl for his amusement.

But, this is what I believe anyways, I think it is the most logical belief system on the planet right now in my opinion.

“you rule out the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth” – I think sherlock holmes?

I will discuss more about my thoughts about religion and science later in time though… Hope you enjoyed the read… Have a good day!

Little league baseball was a pretty magical experience, at least from my perspective. Which, hopefully many of you may think the same. It all happens at such a perfect time of innocence and imagination. When we all spent hours in our backyards playing wiffle ball, declaring which major league baseball player we were portraying. Mario Rivera now pitching to Ken Griffey Jr…  

Which, I often tell people when talking about my experience, it is the only thing I ever really did that made me feel like I was truly in the major leagues on a professional baseball team. As you were working the way up the ranks from tee-ball, to C league, to B league, and then finally to A, you spend so much time admiring the older kids in the league and wanting to be like them. Not to mention they have the biggest stands with more people watching it always seemed, everything seemed more intense at that level. I for one spend much time just hanging around the baseball field anyways. The A league players were also at the top of the chain at your elementary school.  

It all combines to make that magical feeling when you make your way up to A league, especially that opening day, feeling like one of the coolest kids in the world.  Every game you felt like all eyes were on you and that the games had so much value to them, after those years I would never experience anything ever quite the same way again… not long after you are entering middle school and at the bottom of the totem pole, going through puberty, and coming to realize all new definitions of cool. 

But, to get back to A ball in little league, often times we hear a lot of about how coaches get too intense or parents get too excited, which they certainly can go overboard at the time. But, from that little leaguer’s perspective, this is the biggest event that has ever happened in their life, and these games are extremely important, in our heads, we are in the big leagues right now…. and we wanted a big-league coach, someone that seemed to care as much about the game as we did.  

I say this, because my father may have been considered one of those coaches that seemed to get a little overboard sometimes, probably embarrassed my mom up in the stands at times. But, to this day, when I see some of my old teammates, they still bring up how fun baseball was and being on that team, and always ask how my dad is doing. He has forever endeared himself in a place of their hearts… 

I just thought this would be a fun thing to talk about, and maybe bring back some fond memories for some of you out there, that enjoyed their time as a professional baseball player… 

But, I also wanted to say, I wouldn’t like to see all the intensity of the coaches be drained from the game, as having our coaches out there fighting for us made the games feel all the more real and important. Would be nice to find the happy medium in there.   

They helped sell the big-league dream… 

One of the biggest issues I still face to this day, is looking at and reading people’s faces. Whether driving down the road or walking around the store, watching the live news, wherever… 

You see, I personally believe I am on camera 24/7 with microphones around me, like I am always on a reality show. Which I believe is broadcast worldwide, I especially think within my home town it is on an even different level… I feel like everything is choreographed in a way, like I am just walking through a play or a production, everything must stay within the illusion within the confines of the initiation/bet… Plus, people must keep everything secured, keeping me safe and etc etc… I think I have a bit of my own secret service you could say. 

My point being, that I think basically everybody I pass or see has heard or read what I have said throughout the day, whether they are reading this, or they heard a regular conversation I have had. So, I feel like people’s faces and reactions are to what I said or did, people smiling or laughing, I think they are happy… people can look indifferent or mad… In a way because nobody acted like they ever read any of my books or that they hear me, it is the only feedback I get sometimes… People’s faces are essentially the comment section to my thoughts and actions throughout the day.  

For years, It got to the point, where when I saw negative faces I would just think the rest of the day, what could that person possibly be mad about? So, I would think about everything I had been saying or doing and would think of why they were mad, and then I would address it until people seemed happy. I got really good at figuring out why people would be mad about things I said or did. My brain became wired to do it in a way, I saw an angry face, and the program in my brain would kick in.  

I just can’t stand to have people mad at me, to a fault, I want everyone to be happy with me, in my head, I think in this life or the next it is possible haha… But, I often joke that in the story of my life, I work in the complaint department, because if a million people were happy with me and one person said they didn’t like me, I wouldn’t just brush the person off, I would be trying to hash it out with that person, try to reason with them, why they shouldn’t dislike… 

That is how I operated for years… which I think in a way, really helped to painstakingly help shape my character. A painful process though, constantly doing damage control and trying to make people happy, and as new people joined in on the viewing, it was the next group of people I had to get to like me. 

But, anymore I feel like I have gotten to the bottom of the barrel, that essentially the whole world is watching me now, and that nobody has any good reasons not to like me anymore. I am don’t looking for reasons why people are mad at me anymore, because I feel if you don’t like me, you are either evil or depressed. I have decided that any bad faces anymore are from either evil people, depressed people, people being paid to look at me angrily, or people must look and act certain ways because it would be unnatural if everybody was just smiling all the time.  

I think the whole world is watching… but because of the initiation/bet I am in, we still must act like it is all schizophrenia ya know, people must act like they never even heard of me. 

Which, I think the faces did serve their purpose as a complaint department for a while, or a comment section you could say… but we have reached a point now, that people just must make certain faces because I am still in the initiation/bet and people also get paid to do it… But, I am passed the point of thinking I need to do damage control… In fact, I often hear the words, trust the system, which it is like people have a system now for handling things and there is nothing that needs my addressing, no reason to get worked up about anything. 

It is very complicated… I am not sure if that all made sense… it’s just that looking at people’s faces still can really screw me up, I would be ecstatic if people could just look like they were happy with me all the time, but that isn’t in the cards. 

I need to learn to not be so affected by people’s faces, which I am trying, but it may be a long process, I just want people to be happy with me!